I recently read a hospital's article about the 6 things they wished patients knew. So here's my take on the 6 things I wish hospitals knew.
1. Don't change my medication without telling me: This is non-negotiable. You should never swap a patient's regular medication for anything else without talking to the patient. I'm sorry some professor in college told you all medication is the same if the active ingredient is the same. They LIED. It's not the same by a long shot. You could easily be exposing them to an allergen or interaction. You're not a pharmacist so don't try to be. I'm on my medications for a reason. If you don't dispense a particular medicine tell me and I will have my husband bring it. I've had plenty of meltdowns because of this very situation. Imagine someone forces you to take an hour long detour each day. You'd have a meltdown or two right? Well swapping my medications without talking to me is no different.
2. Allergy contamination and safety should be a top priority: I've been given food I'm allergic to so many times in hospitals I've given up complaining about it. It's such a standard procedure my family brings me food rather than have me eat the hospital food. I've even been given a fruit cocktail cup in apple juice after being admitted for a reaction to apples. The nurses even knew it had apple in it! Yet no one takes responsibility for these mistakes. Step up and make your food safe. Allergy safety is as vital as sanitation. Anaphylaxis can kill.
3. No means no: I'm not sure what's unclear about this however I inevitably end up having to say no to some nurse or doctor. I am NOT a guinea pig or dartboard. I shouldn't be treated like one. You are there to give me the facts and let me decide. Not to try and pressure me into tests or treatments I'm uncomfortable with or think aren't necessary.
4. Don't harass my service animal : Again this should be common sense but it's not. Please ask before petting or engaging the dog. You're distracting my dog while he's trying to work. No you can't arbitrarily kick my service dog out of the exam room. No you can't kick him out for barking to inform me of a noise since that's his training. If you don't like it well too bad. Deal with it. My service dog and I have rights. Respect them.
5. Understand what leaving AMA really means : I finally left AMA not that long ago. I was warned my insurance wouldn't cover the visit to the hospital and so forth. The doctor did her best to blackmail me to stay. It's a common tactic among doctors and even some nurses. There's just one hitch, it's bull. Almost all insurances say that if the treatment given was medically necessary it's covered. It has nothing to do with whether or not you decide to go AMA or not, the treatment can still be covered. Using scare tactics like this are what make hospitals the bad guys especially doctors. Respect and understand my rights as a patient to leave AMA if I think it's the right move for me medically.
6. Interpreters are NOT optional : In this day and age of technology there is no reason a hospital shouldn't have some form of access to ASL interpretation. Court cases have been waged over this very issue. Guess what hospitals? You are required to provide understandable communication. Several court cases have ruled writing notes, lip reading, and uncertified interpretation are illegal. Yes it's illegal to ask my spouse to interpret end of story. Yes it's illegal to ask me to write back and forth or to read your lips. Yes it's very, very illegal to have one of your doctors try to interpret if they're not certified. I have the right to access to communication so provide it. End of story.
So those are the 6 things I'd like hospitals to know from a patient.
Monday, June 1, 2015
News that bothers me
I often see news that bothers me. Its like a prickle in my side that just keeps poking at me. Most often its when someone misrepresents my faith or the faith of a friend. Today I saw an article about a Muslim woman who was denied a full unopened can of soda because it could be used as a weapon.
First I think we should have a clear idea of what constitutes a weapon. The rifle my husband trains with in the Army now that's a weapon. A soda can or a nerf dart are not weapons. Maybe if someone was trying to club someone with the soda can it could be considered a weapon until then let's apply some common sense. I could do far more damage swinging my medicine bag at you than a soda can but my bag isn't a weapon. It's a bag and for heaven's sake it's a soda can.
Second the airline hid behind the well touted line of its policy. I'm calling bull on that one. I'm not even a frequent flyer any more and I've had plenty of full unopened soda cans on a flight. So that leads me to the real question: why this woman? The answer is a sad one. The answer is that she didn't get the soda can because she's Muslim and looks it by all accounts. The flight attendant engaged in racial profiling with a policy that lets her get away with it and that is just wrong.
If we hate or discriminate against every Muslim then we become the very extremists our military has to fight. We have to reach out with love and find common ground. I have good friends who are Muslim. Maybe we don't agree on everything but we can always find the common ground that links us. I don't want to see us using racial profiling or profiling in the airports in general.
I confess I used to think profiling was a great idea. Then it happened to me. I got pulled aside for an additional screening. You want to know why? I have a service dog. No one else was pulled out of line so it certainly wasn't at random. The airport individual even went so far as to give my dog a pat down. Seriously they went through his backpack and jammed his ribs to search him. It was humiliating to be singled out. No one should have to be humiliated like that for any reason. Not to mention there's an abundance of evidence that the current TSA screening processes don't even work well.
So I understand how this woman felt when she was singled out over something silly. My point is that what the flight attendant was wrong and it just bothers me. We have to reach out and teach people or we risk becoming the very people we're fighting. We have to use common sense. Without these things we're lost.
First I think we should have a clear idea of what constitutes a weapon. The rifle my husband trains with in the Army now that's a weapon. A soda can or a nerf dart are not weapons. Maybe if someone was trying to club someone with the soda can it could be considered a weapon until then let's apply some common sense. I could do far more damage swinging my medicine bag at you than a soda can but my bag isn't a weapon. It's a bag and for heaven's sake it's a soda can.
Second the airline hid behind the well touted line of its policy. I'm calling bull on that one. I'm not even a frequent flyer any more and I've had plenty of full unopened soda cans on a flight. So that leads me to the real question: why this woman? The answer is a sad one. The answer is that she didn't get the soda can because she's Muslim and looks it by all accounts. The flight attendant engaged in racial profiling with a policy that lets her get away with it and that is just wrong.
If we hate or discriminate against every Muslim then we become the very extremists our military has to fight. We have to reach out with love and find common ground. I have good friends who are Muslim. Maybe we don't agree on everything but we can always find the common ground that links us. I don't want to see us using racial profiling or profiling in the airports in general.
I confess I used to think profiling was a great idea. Then it happened to me. I got pulled aside for an additional screening. You want to know why? I have a service dog. No one else was pulled out of line so it certainly wasn't at random. The airport individual even went so far as to give my dog a pat down. Seriously they went through his backpack and jammed his ribs to search him. It was humiliating to be singled out. No one should have to be humiliated like that for any reason. Not to mention there's an abundance of evidence that the current TSA screening processes don't even work well.
So I understand how this woman felt when she was singled out over something silly. My point is that what the flight attendant was wrong and it just bothers me. We have to reach out and teach people or we risk becoming the very people we're fighting. We have to use common sense. Without these things we're lost.
Monday, May 25, 2015
Memorial Day from a Military Wife
I am not a soldier but I belong to a special group of women who are military wives. We are a group with a high entrance price, it's our spouse. We give them up for trainings, deployments, and even in the ultimate moment of sacrifice. We are the group who hold down the home front while they're away. We are the group that makes their careers in the military possible. We are their better halves. We are their reason to make it home safe. It's an exclusive group that I've only begun to pay my dues for.
As a civilian Memorial Day never meant a great deal to me. I confess I often go it mixed up with other spring dates. It wasn't anything special until my husband joined the Army. Then the day became something special, something different to me. It became more than a nice spring day to grill out on or a long weekend to relax with. It's different because one day it could be my husband who is being honored on this day. Whether it's in a year or twenty it could be him one day. One day it could be his service that we honor. He could be among the fallen, I hope he never has to make that ultimate sacrifice but I firmly believe he would if it came down to it.
I've been blessed to not go through a deployment yet. However I've faced the separation that accompanies training where the Army took my husband and made him a soldier. Memorial Day makes me grateful for every moment with him that I get to spend. I take every minute I can and greedily hoard them because I know the days are coming where I won't wake up to him beside me. He will be a half a world away fighting to keep our country safe. Memorial Day reminds me that in a moment this life with him could be gone.
Memorial Day to me is something truly special now because when I think of it I think of the families left behind. I think of the wives in this club who have lost their spouses, children or other family members. I think of the empty seat at so many tables. It is in that moment that I am grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ which assures me that I will see my loved ones again. It helps me to be a soldier's wife because I know no matter what happens I will see my husband again. We might struggle through a long distance relationship but he will always be my husband.
I will be forever grateful for the sacrifice of the men and women who have come before my husband. I also will be forever grateful for the wives and husbands who have supported their spouses through this life. I'm grateful to the families who this weekend will have an empty seat. I also want them to know that one day that seat will be filled again. It's the most important message of this weekend of honoring the fallen and those who have paid the ultimate price.
As a civilian Memorial Day never meant a great deal to me. I confess I often go it mixed up with other spring dates. It wasn't anything special until my husband joined the Army. Then the day became something special, something different to me. It became more than a nice spring day to grill out on or a long weekend to relax with. It's different because one day it could be my husband who is being honored on this day. Whether it's in a year or twenty it could be him one day. One day it could be his service that we honor. He could be among the fallen, I hope he never has to make that ultimate sacrifice but I firmly believe he would if it came down to it.
I've been blessed to not go through a deployment yet. However I've faced the separation that accompanies training where the Army took my husband and made him a soldier. Memorial Day makes me grateful for every moment with him that I get to spend. I take every minute I can and greedily hoard them because I know the days are coming where I won't wake up to him beside me. He will be a half a world away fighting to keep our country safe. Memorial Day reminds me that in a moment this life with him could be gone.
Memorial Day to me is something truly special now because when I think of it I think of the families left behind. I think of the wives in this club who have lost their spouses, children or other family members. I think of the empty seat at so many tables. It is in that moment that I am grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ which assures me that I will see my loved ones again. It helps me to be a soldier's wife because I know no matter what happens I will see my husband again. We might struggle through a long distance relationship but he will always be my husband.
I will be forever grateful for the sacrifice of the men and women who have come before my husband. I also will be forever grateful for the wives and husbands who have supported their spouses through this life. I'm grateful to the families who this weekend will have an empty seat. I also want them to know that one day that seat will be filled again. It's the most important message of this weekend of honoring the fallen and those who have paid the ultimate price.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Standing United in Faith
I strongly believe in the free expression of religious belief. I'm not offended by the hijab any more than by the cross. I strongly believe that now is the time to stand up for more than just our own beliefs. There's a famous poem that rings true to me:
“First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out– because I was not a communist; Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out– because I was not a socialist; Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out– because I was not a trade unionist; Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out– because I was not a Jew; Then they came for me– and there was no one left to speak out for me.” (Wikipedia: “… one of many variations of a poem attributed to Pastor Martin Niemoller (1892–1984) about inactivity of German intellectuals following the Nazi rise to power” . )
I believe this is happening even now. I read a disturbing news story from Canada today. A women went into court wearing her hijab. The judge not only gave her an earful about wearing it in the courtroom she also demanded the women remove it. When the women refused the judge refused to hear her case until she would remove her hijab. Many christians I know think this is a wonderful story and that disturbs me more. This is no different than a judge demanding someone remove the cross on their necklace, a mormon remove their temple garments or a jewish man remove his yarmulke. This woman has a fundamental right to the articles of her faith.
We have to be willing to defend even those we disagree with. We have to be willing to defend all people of faith not just those of our own faith. There is so much that we agree on and believe in. Together we can be a united force for good in the world. Separated we become like the poem. We are picked off one by one until there are no more voices for religious freedom. I challenge all those who read this to be those voices for religious freedom for all.
Friday, November 7, 2014
He's Gone But Not where You Think.
My husband is finally coming home from his training. Including his Basic Training we've had 2 days together since April. That is 208 days apart or six months and 26 days apart. I rarely open up about all of this but now that he's coming home I feel that I can.
No my husband hasn't been deployed to a foreign nation or a war zone yet. He's still been gone. He missed my birthday this year and our anniversary. He missed me almost dying from respiratory failure. He's still gone to me whether it's a war zone or foreign nation.
Often people are sympathetic until they hear he's not "really deployed." This hurts when people say things like that. Being an army wife means my husband and I are both sacrificing for your right to say something silly like that. It's hard to have a spouse gone for any reason.I can barely imagine the burden of a spouse in a war zone. My thoughts and prayers are with those soldiers and their families in part because one day that will be me and my husband.
Not having my husband around has been the hardest trial I've ever faced. He's my true north, my best friend and my eternal companion. When he's gone a part of me is missing, my heart goes with him no matter where he goes. I can't wait to welcome my soldier home but I want people to know gone is gone. It doesn't matter the circumstances. I would also ask people to be grateful for this amazing country we live in because my husband and I are sacrificing for your rights not just our own.
Tomorrow will be incredible. I've missed my husband more than words can express. I've missed him ever second that he's been gone.
No my husband hasn't been deployed to a foreign nation or a war zone yet. He's still been gone. He missed my birthday this year and our anniversary. He missed me almost dying from respiratory failure. He's still gone to me whether it's a war zone or foreign nation.
Often people are sympathetic until they hear he's not "really deployed." This hurts when people say things like that. Being an army wife means my husband and I are both sacrificing for your right to say something silly like that. It's hard to have a spouse gone for any reason.I can barely imagine the burden of a spouse in a war zone. My thoughts and prayers are with those soldiers and their families in part because one day that will be me and my husband.
Not having my husband around has been the hardest trial I've ever faced. He's my true north, my best friend and my eternal companion. When he's gone a part of me is missing, my heart goes with him no matter where he goes. I can't wait to welcome my soldier home but I want people to know gone is gone. It doesn't matter the circumstances. I would also ask people to be grateful for this amazing country we live in because my husband and I are sacrificing for your rights not just our own.
Tomorrow will be incredible. I've missed my husband more than words can express. I've missed him ever second that he's been gone.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Real women vs. clothes
So I should start with the basic disclaimer that I absolutely hate buying clothes. If it is supposed to be a girl trait I completely missed it. I love buying clothes for other people just not for myself. I recently had to face the hard facts that I needed to replace my jeans. I've had all three pairs of my jeans since before I met my husband. Our 4th anniversary is coming up in a few weeks so you can guess how long it's been since I bought jeans.
My mom decided to try and tackle this with me. We went to Kohls first because I had a gift card. None of the stupid jeans fit. We went through misses, petites, and the women's section to no avail. None of the pants came in sizes that fit. I could choose between pants that didn't fit my waist at all or pants that sort of fit my waist but were 3 inches too long. I'm actually short enough to need a "short" pair of jeans. Medium length jeans are always 2-3 inches too long. We tried Dillard's and had even less luck there. We tried one other store that I forget the name of. Finally we tried JC Penny. We had already looked through the misses and the women's sections.
Finally a store associate suggested that I try the Junior's department of all places because they were the only the section with short length jeans. So yes I'm a 24 year old who just bought 3 pairs of pants from the Junior's department at JC Penny. What makes it all the funnier I also bought a hoodie at the same mall. Granted the sleeves are a little short but overall the hoodie fits wonderfully. It's a children's medium. Then I got some summer sleep wear from Dillards. They were a range of mediums and smalls. In trying things on it vacillated wildly where a small was gigantic on me and other times when a medium was so small it wouldn't fit over my head.
We have a huge problem in America with women's body image. Take one look at our clothes and you can see why. Most of these clothes don't seem to be designed to actually be worn by real women. No I'm not the skinniest person you'll ever meet. But before you judge me or my weight consider how I got it. I didn't get it from being lazy for no reason. I got it because I became really sick. I'm a real woman. I have a chest first of all and a super tight fitting shirt will not fit. I have hips and I'm short. I don't have a perfectly flat tummy. Because of all of those things I am a real woman. I want clothes made for a real woman not for some barbie doll who's six inches taller than me.
My mom decided to try and tackle this with me. We went to Kohls first because I had a gift card. None of the stupid jeans fit. We went through misses, petites, and the women's section to no avail. None of the pants came in sizes that fit. I could choose between pants that didn't fit my waist at all or pants that sort of fit my waist but were 3 inches too long. I'm actually short enough to need a "short" pair of jeans. Medium length jeans are always 2-3 inches too long. We tried Dillard's and had even less luck there. We tried one other store that I forget the name of. Finally we tried JC Penny. We had already looked through the misses and the women's sections.
Finally a store associate suggested that I try the Junior's department of all places because they were the only the section with short length jeans. So yes I'm a 24 year old who just bought 3 pairs of pants from the Junior's department at JC Penny. What makes it all the funnier I also bought a hoodie at the same mall. Granted the sleeves are a little short but overall the hoodie fits wonderfully. It's a children's medium. Then I got some summer sleep wear from Dillards. They were a range of mediums and smalls. In trying things on it vacillated wildly where a small was gigantic on me and other times when a medium was so small it wouldn't fit over my head.
We have a huge problem in America with women's body image. Take one look at our clothes and you can see why. Most of these clothes don't seem to be designed to actually be worn by real women. No I'm not the skinniest person you'll ever meet. But before you judge me or my weight consider how I got it. I didn't get it from being lazy for no reason. I got it because I became really sick. I'm a real woman. I have a chest first of all and a super tight fitting shirt will not fit. I have hips and I'm short. I don't have a perfectly flat tummy. Because of all of those things I am a real woman. I want clothes made for a real woman not for some barbie doll who's six inches taller than me.
Sunday, July 6, 2014
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was June.
So I wanted to take a moment to catch everyone up on how life's going. Since I'm having a "Rachel doesn't leave the house" day now seemed as good a time as any. June was one of the most haywire months I've ever lived through. There were highs and there were lows. I want to start with the highs. The best part of this month was that I got to see Alex! Alex graduated from Basic Combat Training for the United States Army on June 26th. We had a great two days with him. He was given an on base leave for Family Day on June 25th. I'm going to be doing a full blog on all the details from Family Day and Graduation. We also had a ton of birthdays this month. Alex's, Clayton's, Mom"s (Karen) and mine were all this past month. There was also Father's day. We also enjoyed those small family moments of craziness that I might not remember later but are like tiny threads weaving themselves into an eternal tapestry. In personal accomplishments I finished a painting. While it might only be a paint by number you would never guess that by looking at it. It took months to finish this painting and I'm truly proud of myself. Also my great friend Claire married a wonderful man named Mack Bowen. I couldn't be happier for the two of them. They both deserve all the happiness in the world and that comes from marriage.
Now for the bad news. This was the month of serious illnesses in our family. On Alex's side his Uncle Keith had his kidneys shut down causing him to be hospitalized. Also Alex's grandmother Inga Bambas had a stroke at the end of the month. She's currently in a nursing home for rehabilitation. My grandmother had to have further dental work and is preparing to have knee surgery soon. My brother hurt his back while at work. Then there was me. At the beginning of month I had this terrible cough I couldn't get rid of. Despite going to the closest hospital twice during May they didn't treat it seriously at all. Finally we went to my hospital of choice Centennial. I was treated for my respiratory distress and an infection. Things only got worse from there. On my birthday June 12th I had an anaphylactic reaction to an apple dumpling. This forced me to go the hospital. I was admitted and kept over night. I got back to stable by the next morning. Then dietary made a deadly mistake. They sent me a fruit cocktail cup in my breakfast that had apple juice in it. Apparently my sensitivity to apples has only increased. I had to have more medicine and a noninvasive ventilator used to aid my breathing. I became stable again when a person was sent up from dietary to discuss more safe food who was coated in perfume. The nurses had to pull the noninvasive ventilator back out. By that afternoon I was stable enough to be sent home.
Turns out that decision was premature. My Mom and I stopped at a Jack in the Box to get some food after leaving the hospital. Someone walked in smelling like they had dumped a whole bottle of cologne on themselves. I made it to the Walgreens next door trying every trick in the book to prevent a collapse. I was unsuccessful. I collapsed in front of a register in Walgreens. I was taken back to the ER in respiratory distress with severe low blood pressure via ambulance. My respiratory distress declined rapidly into acute respiratory failure. Basically my body stopped being able to breathe on its own. My blood pressure also continued to plummet. In case you're wondering why that matters I can explain. If your blood pressure drops too low it means blood is not flowing to vital organs. The combination of low blood pressure and respiratory failure put me in the most dangerous position I've ever been in. I was intubated and placed on a mechanical ventilator for 48 hours. Basically a plastic tube was placed into my throat through my mouth and I was hooked up to a machine that would breathe for me. A ventilator is used when a patient is unable to breathe on their own. Unfortunately I contracted a staph infection in my lungs and I aspirated on the machine. This led to aspiration pneumonia.
While I no longer have pneumonia I am currently fighting some form of respiratory infection. I have an appointment with a lung specialist coming up. Alex has also shipped off to his next training. He will be doing job training till November in Arizona. Needless to say June was truly the best of times and the worst of times. Hopefully July works out a little better!
Now for the bad news. This was the month of serious illnesses in our family. On Alex's side his Uncle Keith had his kidneys shut down causing him to be hospitalized. Also Alex's grandmother Inga Bambas had a stroke at the end of the month. She's currently in a nursing home for rehabilitation. My grandmother had to have further dental work and is preparing to have knee surgery soon. My brother hurt his back while at work. Then there was me. At the beginning of month I had this terrible cough I couldn't get rid of. Despite going to the closest hospital twice during May they didn't treat it seriously at all. Finally we went to my hospital of choice Centennial. I was treated for my respiratory distress and an infection. Things only got worse from there. On my birthday June 12th I had an anaphylactic reaction to an apple dumpling. This forced me to go the hospital. I was admitted and kept over night. I got back to stable by the next morning. Then dietary made a deadly mistake. They sent me a fruit cocktail cup in my breakfast that had apple juice in it. Apparently my sensitivity to apples has only increased. I had to have more medicine and a noninvasive ventilator used to aid my breathing. I became stable again when a person was sent up from dietary to discuss more safe food who was coated in perfume. The nurses had to pull the noninvasive ventilator back out. By that afternoon I was stable enough to be sent home.
Turns out that decision was premature. My Mom and I stopped at a Jack in the Box to get some food after leaving the hospital. Someone walked in smelling like they had dumped a whole bottle of cologne on themselves. I made it to the Walgreens next door trying every trick in the book to prevent a collapse. I was unsuccessful. I collapsed in front of a register in Walgreens. I was taken back to the ER in respiratory distress with severe low blood pressure via ambulance. My respiratory distress declined rapidly into acute respiratory failure. Basically my body stopped being able to breathe on its own. My blood pressure also continued to plummet. In case you're wondering why that matters I can explain. If your blood pressure drops too low it means blood is not flowing to vital organs. The combination of low blood pressure and respiratory failure put me in the most dangerous position I've ever been in. I was intubated and placed on a mechanical ventilator for 48 hours. Basically a plastic tube was placed into my throat through my mouth and I was hooked up to a machine that would breathe for me. A ventilator is used when a patient is unable to breathe on their own. Unfortunately I contracted a staph infection in my lungs and I aspirated on the machine. This led to aspiration pneumonia.
While I no longer have pneumonia I am currently fighting some form of respiratory infection. I have an appointment with a lung specialist coming up. Alex has also shipped off to his next training. He will be doing job training till November in Arizona. Needless to say June was truly the best of times and the worst of times. Hopefully July works out a little better!
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Only Human
So for as often as I deal with the medical community there is something I find I forget frequently about them. They are only human. It's easy to forget that the doctor, nurse or tech you're dealing with is only human. We expect something bordering on the divine out of them and when they fall short it's a shock. Recently I was so angry I couldn't see straight with several medical professionals. One was a nurse who had written that I was legally blind on official paperwork for the Army. This woman had managed to make an embarrassing and significant mistake. She even owned up to the mistake. I can't say I initially cut her any slack. It's still a pretty outrageous mistake to make. You should know whether or not your patient of 5 years is blind. All that aside in my anger I forgot something really vital, she's only human. She's a fallible human being who sees countless patients in a day let alone a week. It wasn't the first time someone had assumed I was blind because of Riddick so why did it make me so mad? It's because she's a nurse and I expect more out of her. When I worked with her to fix the glaring errors in the paperwork I realized she was just an overwhelmed person who was trying. That's as much as I can ask from anyone. Although I still might invest in a shirt that says, "I'm not blind. Hearing dogs outnumber guide dogs 3 to 1. Do your research."
Another incident recently that left a bitter taste in my mouth came in the form of a bill. I was billed by a pulmonologist I saw last month. The man spent a grand total of 5 minutes with me. In those five minutes he listened to me cough and read my chart. Then he said how sorry he was but that there was nothing he could do to treat me. He didn't even know of anything else anyone else could do to help me. It angered me then to receive a bill. I'm still a little ticked he charged me when he didn't do anything. However one of my other doctor's gave me a different perspective on the situation. He said that any doctor willing to admit when he is utterly beyond his realm of expertise is if nothing else an honest doctor. I guess when I think about it the bill isn't the real reason I'm angry. I'm angry not at the particular doctor but at the overall situation. I'm tired of being given up on at the get go. I'm tired of hearing that there is nothing that can be done for me. I'm tired of being labeled a medical lost cause. So instead of confronting that I did the easy thing and I got mad. I got mad at this man for admitting something few doctors will, he was only human. In the end I will probably always hold a certain level of mistrust for the medical community. They've earned my mistrust and as much as those rare doctors have earned my trust. I just hope that next time before I get angry I remember, they're only human.
Another incident recently that left a bitter taste in my mouth came in the form of a bill. I was billed by a pulmonologist I saw last month. The man spent a grand total of 5 minutes with me. In those five minutes he listened to me cough and read my chart. Then he said how sorry he was but that there was nothing he could do to treat me. He didn't even know of anything else anyone else could do to help me. It angered me then to receive a bill. I'm still a little ticked he charged me when he didn't do anything. However one of my other doctor's gave me a different perspective on the situation. He said that any doctor willing to admit when he is utterly beyond his realm of expertise is if nothing else an honest doctor. I guess when I think about it the bill isn't the real reason I'm angry. I'm angry not at the particular doctor but at the overall situation. I'm tired of being given up on at the get go. I'm tired of hearing that there is nothing that can be done for me. I'm tired of being labeled a medical lost cause. So instead of confronting that I did the easy thing and I got mad. I got mad at this man for admitting something few doctors will, he was only human. In the end I will probably always hold a certain level of mistrust for the medical community. They've earned my mistrust and as much as those rare doctors have earned my trust. I just hope that next time before I get angry I remember, they're only human.
Friday, May 9, 2014
Best Husband Ever
So for anyone who didn't know my husband is currently attending Basic Combat Training at Fort Leonard Wood in Missouri. My only form of communication with him are the letters we send each other. He gets rare calls home as well. I've also been very sick recently. It would seem my medication has simply not been keeping up with the season. This means that in the past few weeks I've epipened and been in the ER twice. Add in the general sadness of missing my spouse and you can see how it would be a rough time.
Well yesterday after a particularly rough day something wonderful arrived on my doorstep. I got an order of purple, red, and yellow tulips in a bright pink vase from pro flowers. I was completely stumped to see them. I had definitely not ordered flowers for myself. I couldn't think of anyone else who could have sent them to me. I naturally discounted my husband since he's at training.
Turns out I shouldn't dismiss my hubby so easily. He had somehow ordered the flowers. When I opened the card it was from him. It was a very sweet message that I don't mind sharing:
I hope these flowers brighten your day and that you will think of me each time you see them. Visions of you in my mind are what get me through all of the testing I'm going through. I love you more than you
know!!
All my love
Alex
So I basically have the most thoughtful husband on the planet! This guy is going through combat training and somehow manages to order flowers for me. They were especially thoughtful with how sick I've been. Some day I'll make him tell me how he pulled it off but for now I'll just enjoy the mystery.
p.s. I am NOT allergic to tulips in case anyone was concerned.
Well yesterday after a particularly rough day something wonderful arrived on my doorstep. I got an order of purple, red, and yellow tulips in a bright pink vase from pro flowers. I was completely stumped to see them. I had definitely not ordered flowers for myself. I couldn't think of anyone else who could have sent them to me. I naturally discounted my husband since he's at training.
Turns out I shouldn't dismiss my hubby so easily. He had somehow ordered the flowers. When I opened the card it was from him. It was a very sweet message that I don't mind sharing:
I hope these flowers brighten your day and that you will think of me each time you see them. Visions of you in my mind are what get me through all of the testing I'm going through. I love you more than you
know!!
All my love
Alex
So I basically have the most thoughtful husband on the planet! This guy is going through combat training and somehow manages to order flowers for me. They were especially thoughtful with how sick I've been. Some day I'll make him tell me how he pulled it off but for now I'll just enjoy the mystery.
p.s. I am NOT allergic to tulips in case anyone was concerned.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Medical Lost Cause
Hey everyone I'm very sorry I haven't written much lately. I had a bad flare up with the tendinitis in my left wrist. It's similar to carpel tunnel syndrome but it's the tendon that controls the twisting motion. Anyway I"m been having to rest it as much as possible to avoid needing a cast. It seems to be improving. Another important thing all of you should know is that I will be starting a blog for Alex. This way we can keep all of you updated on how he is doing during his training.
Now on to the topic I planned for this post. So two weeks ago I started coughing. The coughing continued to get worse. I've been to the ER twice for it. I get coughing and can't catch my breath. I end up gasping, wheezing heavily and coughing blood. Well after the first ER visit I finally went to see my primary care doctor. He prescribed two long term medicines that do next to nothing for the immediate problem. Also one of the medicines has a steroid in it that I've had a bad reaction to in the past. This is the second time my primary care doctor who has had me admitted to the hospital because of a steroid reaction prescribed a steroid.
Then on Monday for the second time my cough got completely out of control. I called my doctor's office and their only suggestion was to go to the ER. I did everything I could to avoid the ER but I was having such a hard time breathing. The ER did their best to stabilize me. My oxygen saturation dropped to 90 % at its lowest and stayed at about 95%. When it dipped to 90% was when I got really scared because that's the line for respiratory failure. It took a long time to figure out how they could help me. Thanks to my medicine allergies it's very hard to treat me. There is really only so much an ER can even do for me to help me breathe. The ER doctor had absolutely no idea what was causing the cough. Her diagnosis was this: persistent cough. The ER doctor had no recommendations for once I was stabilized and headed home. They had done all they could and there was nothing more that I could do on my end either.
So yesterday I called my doctor's office back because the ER said to check back in with them. My primary care doctor's office let me know there was nothing my primary care doctor felt comfortable giving me or doing for me himself. He had no treatment plan for me at all. The only thing they could do was to send me to a pulmonologist. The lung doctor's job was to find out the source of the cough.
I saw the pulmonologist this morning. He was a very nice doctor. After reading my chart, speaking with me for a few minutes, and examining me he gave me his conclusion. He concluded there was nothing he could do for me. He was very apologetic about the whole thing. He felt bad having to tell me that. He said I needed the Mayo Clinic or the Cleveland Clinic to help me.
While he was the nicest anyone has been when delivering that same news it still sucked. I've had 5 doctors in the last year label me a lost cause. I'm allergic to almost all of the medications used to treat the symptoms I have. No doctor has ever figured out the root cause of everything. I've already tried the Mayo Clinic before and it was a complete failure. I'm down to three options now. The first is to try the Cleveland Clinic hoping and praying they can help me. The second option is to try every homeopathic remedy I can. The last option is hardly an option at all. It is simply the only thing left if the other two don't pan out. The third option is to suffer through the cough and hope it goes away on its own.
I can't express how hard all of this has been. This morning was one of the few times I have started crying in a doctor's office. When the doctor tells you not only can he not treat you but that he is unsure anyone can treat you it's such a blow. You never know how much hope you had resting on a doctor until they squash it. It would appear that I am a medical lost cause.
Now on to the topic I planned for this post. So two weeks ago I started coughing. The coughing continued to get worse. I've been to the ER twice for it. I get coughing and can't catch my breath. I end up gasping, wheezing heavily and coughing blood. Well after the first ER visit I finally went to see my primary care doctor. He prescribed two long term medicines that do next to nothing for the immediate problem. Also one of the medicines has a steroid in it that I've had a bad reaction to in the past. This is the second time my primary care doctor who has had me admitted to the hospital because of a steroid reaction prescribed a steroid.
Then on Monday for the second time my cough got completely out of control. I called my doctor's office and their only suggestion was to go to the ER. I did everything I could to avoid the ER but I was having such a hard time breathing. The ER did their best to stabilize me. My oxygen saturation dropped to 90 % at its lowest and stayed at about 95%. When it dipped to 90% was when I got really scared because that's the line for respiratory failure. It took a long time to figure out how they could help me. Thanks to my medicine allergies it's very hard to treat me. There is really only so much an ER can even do for me to help me breathe. The ER doctor had absolutely no idea what was causing the cough. Her diagnosis was this: persistent cough. The ER doctor had no recommendations for once I was stabilized and headed home. They had done all they could and there was nothing more that I could do on my end either.
So yesterday I called my doctor's office back because the ER said to check back in with them. My primary care doctor's office let me know there was nothing my primary care doctor felt comfortable giving me or doing for me himself. He had no treatment plan for me at all. The only thing they could do was to send me to a pulmonologist. The lung doctor's job was to find out the source of the cough.
I saw the pulmonologist this morning. He was a very nice doctor. After reading my chart, speaking with me for a few minutes, and examining me he gave me his conclusion. He concluded there was nothing he could do for me. He was very apologetic about the whole thing. He felt bad having to tell me that. He said I needed the Mayo Clinic or the Cleveland Clinic to help me.
While he was the nicest anyone has been when delivering that same news it still sucked. I've had 5 doctors in the last year label me a lost cause. I'm allergic to almost all of the medications used to treat the symptoms I have. No doctor has ever figured out the root cause of everything. I've already tried the Mayo Clinic before and it was a complete failure. I'm down to three options now. The first is to try the Cleveland Clinic hoping and praying they can help me. The second option is to try every homeopathic remedy I can. The last option is hardly an option at all. It is simply the only thing left if the other two don't pan out. The third option is to suffer through the cough and hope it goes away on its own.
I can't express how hard all of this has been. This morning was one of the few times I have started crying in a doctor's office. When the doctor tells you not only can he not treat you but that he is unsure anyone can treat you it's such a blow. You never know how much hope you had resting on a doctor until they squash it. It would appear that I am a medical lost cause.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
A Breaking Update
This post is a combination of everything that has happened recently. Please allow me to interrupt your regularly scheduled lives for this breaking update.
First and foremost my husband enlisted into the Army active duty. He will be leaving for Basic Training on April 14th and after Basic he will go to Advanced Individual Training. I'm planning a post specifically about this topic so that's the overview for now.
On the medical front there have been a few updates. First I'm no longer seeing the same rheumatogist. To put it politely he gave up on treating me. Secondly my medicine has been changed yet again recently. That's been a moving target for a while. Third we're dealing with a new problem. I recently started having nosebleeds. Naturally they haven't acted like regular nosebleeds. I had two just yesterday. One was 41 minutes long and the second one was 25 minutes long. I stupidly decided I should probably see my primary doctor for it since the second nosebleed was the 5th in just a few weeks.
In a stunning move of sheer stupidity my doctor wrote it off and prescribed a nasal spray. The catch to that is he prescribed something with steroids. I happen to be allergic to steroids. No not mildly allergic or moderately allergic, I'm deathly allergic. He's even admitted me into the hospital for an allergic reaction to a steroid. What's worse is it wasn't just that it was any old steroid it's one I know I'm allergic to. It gets better, it's the exact nasal spray that I've already had an allergic reaction to that required an epipen. Thankfully my pharmacist caught the glaring error in the prescription. I want to take this moment to express my gratitude to my pharmacists and nurses they really do stop doctors from killing you.
In other news I'm almost done with the BYU Independent Study class I've been taking. Both of my married sister in laws are pregnant. My adorable niece is my weekly morale boost. She cheers me up so much. She is absolutely a little bundle of joy. Also my sister in law Heather was accepted to BYU Provo for the fall term. She's nearing graduation and I will sorely miss her.
So that's my update for now. Please return to your regularly scheduled life.
First and foremost my husband enlisted into the Army active duty. He will be leaving for Basic Training on April 14th and after Basic he will go to Advanced Individual Training. I'm planning a post specifically about this topic so that's the overview for now.
On the medical front there have been a few updates. First I'm no longer seeing the same rheumatogist. To put it politely he gave up on treating me. Secondly my medicine has been changed yet again recently. That's been a moving target for a while. Third we're dealing with a new problem. I recently started having nosebleeds. Naturally they haven't acted like regular nosebleeds. I had two just yesterday. One was 41 minutes long and the second one was 25 minutes long. I stupidly decided I should probably see my primary doctor for it since the second nosebleed was the 5th in just a few weeks.
In a stunning move of sheer stupidity my doctor wrote it off and prescribed a nasal spray. The catch to that is he prescribed something with steroids. I happen to be allergic to steroids. No not mildly allergic or moderately allergic, I'm deathly allergic. He's even admitted me into the hospital for an allergic reaction to a steroid. What's worse is it wasn't just that it was any old steroid it's one I know I'm allergic to. It gets better, it's the exact nasal spray that I've already had an allergic reaction to that required an epipen. Thankfully my pharmacist caught the glaring error in the prescription. I want to take this moment to express my gratitude to my pharmacists and nurses they really do stop doctors from killing you.
In other news I'm almost done with the BYU Independent Study class I've been taking. Both of my married sister in laws are pregnant. My adorable niece is my weekly morale boost. She cheers me up so much. She is absolutely a little bundle of joy. Also my sister in law Heather was accepted to BYU Provo for the fall term. She's nearing graduation and I will sorely miss her.
So that's my update for now. Please return to your regularly scheduled life.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Strange Victories
As I have mentined many times in this blog my normal is not normal. Often I get the special privledge of celebrating odd victories. While some of the victories on this list may seem insignificant to you remember my mountain may just be your molehill. So here's a list of ten victories from today. Let's celebrate them together.
1. I got dressed today without help.
2. My husband caught an allergic reaction on video.
3. I finished schoolwork.
4. I only took a short 1 hour nap mostly because of medicine.
5. I did household chores without help.
6. I didn't trip on any stairs today.
7. I made it up the stairs several times today despite the pain.
8. I only needed 1 epipen today.
9. I got to skip the ER.
10. I had an outting with my parents that didn't end in the hospital.
1. I got dressed today without help.
2. My husband caught an allergic reaction on video.
3. I finished schoolwork.
4. I only took a short 1 hour nap mostly because of medicine.
5. I did household chores without help.
6. I didn't trip on any stairs today.
7. I made it up the stairs several times today despite the pain.
8. I only needed 1 epipen today.
9. I got to skip the ER.
10. I had an outting with my parents that didn't end in the hospital.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Gallows' Humor
So this has been a fairly rough week for me and my family. To catch you up: Alex and I are in the process of moving, his grandmother is moving, my Mom is retiring (YAY!), we hit a new road block with MEPS (medical processing required for enlistment into the military), he was sick this week, I had dental work that went very very wrong, a second ER trip, and Christmas is next week. It's been busy on the home front to put it mildly.
In the midst of it all though we've been able to have a few pretty good laughs. Some of those laughs have been in the process of getting to, being in, or leaving the ER but they still made me laugh. My family's motto is you will either laugh or cry and we choose to laugh maniacally. I'd like to share a few of the things that have tickled my funny bone this week. Most are paraphrased to some extent. Also you may not find all or even any of them funny but I did. So here's to a little gallows' humor.
1. Faith (to me): Heather keeps mutilating our Pepparkakor men!
Heather: Well you try picking them up it's harder than it looks!
Me: Why don' t you use a spatula to pick them up?
Heather: Because.
Five minutes later
Faith: Heather you mutilated my stocking!
Heather: Sorry they're hard to pick up ok.
Mom: Why don't you use a spatula then?...
2. (while listening to Geeks get the girl by American Hi-Fi)
Me: This song is strangely catchy.
Alex: Yeah I liked it a lot as teenager.
Me: Well it could be your theme song...
3. Me: But we did an allergy test! It should have been safe.
Someone ( I forgot who): That should have been our first clue it wasn't...
4. Dentist: Ok we're going to have you on a blood pressure machine. ( looks at me very nervously) We might put me on one too.
5. From my allergy bracelet in the ER: See list but definitely NOT prednisone.
6. Me: So how bad was my cough?
Alex: You sounded like a donkey trying to shout and bray at the same time.
Me: I'm so glad I can't hear myself.
7. Alex: She just said thank you, I'm sure if she was feeling better it'd be something much more snarky.
Nurse: That's fine, I love snarky.
8. Doctor: You know it's impossible to be allergic to steroids, especially IV form. Right?
Alex: So we've been told. My wife believes in the impossible I guess.
9. Friend: Well you married him you must have wanted to, right? He didn't cast a spell on you.
Me: No he didn't but I have been asked what I was drinking when I said yes... by his friends...repeatedly.
10. Heather: I'm sick of myself. Can I be someone else for a day?
Me: Sure, as long as your last name is Fitzherbert.
Heather: I can be Eugenia Fitzherbert!!
Me: That is officially your new nickname.
One extra as a bonus
11. Me: Hey Eugenia come here.
Faith: Eugenia?
Heather: (laughing) Yep, Eugenia.
Faith: You two are soo weird.
Me: We know.
Hope you enjoyed the laughs!
In the midst of it all though we've been able to have a few pretty good laughs. Some of those laughs have been in the process of getting to, being in, or leaving the ER but they still made me laugh. My family's motto is you will either laugh or cry and we choose to laugh maniacally. I'd like to share a few of the things that have tickled my funny bone this week. Most are paraphrased to some extent. Also you may not find all or even any of them funny but I did. So here's to a little gallows' humor.
1. Faith (to me): Heather keeps mutilating our Pepparkakor men!
Heather: Well you try picking them up it's harder than it looks!
Me: Why don' t you use a spatula to pick them up?
Heather: Because.
Five minutes later
Faith: Heather you mutilated my stocking!
Heather: Sorry they're hard to pick up ok.
Mom: Why don't you use a spatula then?...
2. (while listening to Geeks get the girl by American Hi-Fi)
Me: This song is strangely catchy.
Alex: Yeah I liked it a lot as teenager.
Me: Well it could be your theme song...
3. Me: But we did an allergy test! It should have been safe.
Someone ( I forgot who): That should have been our first clue it wasn't...
4. Dentist: Ok we're going to have you on a blood pressure machine. ( looks at me very nervously) We might put me on one too.
5. From my allergy bracelet in the ER: See list but definitely NOT prednisone.
6. Me: So how bad was my cough?
Alex: You sounded like a donkey trying to shout and bray at the same time.
Me: I'm so glad I can't hear myself.
7. Alex: She just said thank you, I'm sure if she was feeling better it'd be something much more snarky.
Nurse: That's fine, I love snarky.
8. Doctor: You know it's impossible to be allergic to steroids, especially IV form. Right?
Alex: So we've been told. My wife believes in the impossible I guess.
9. Friend: Well you married him you must have wanted to, right? He didn't cast a spell on you.
Me: No he didn't but I have been asked what I was drinking when I said yes... by his friends...repeatedly.
10. Heather: I'm sick of myself. Can I be someone else for a day?
Me: Sure, as long as your last name is Fitzherbert.
Heather: I can be Eugenia Fitzherbert!!
Me: That is officially your new nickname.
One extra as a bonus
11. Me: Hey Eugenia come here.
Faith: Eugenia?
Heather: (laughing) Yep, Eugenia.
Faith: You two are soo weird.
Me: We know.
Hope you enjoyed the laughs!
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
I'm not an idiot or a dartboard
So I went back to the allergist's office yesterday. To put it mildly it didn't go well. We went round and round. I got fed up and walked out of the appointment. I have no plans to go back to that clinic. I heard for the millionth time that perfume can't cause anaphylaxis it can only "irritate the lungs". Riiiiiiight. Everytime I hear that I want to scream. I asked what in the world the difference is because I can guarantee you that to the person in the ER or ICU there's not one. I don't care what you call it but I promise perfume can drop me like a stone.
I also got the typical lecture about how often I use my epipen. Its like doctors think that somehow this all escaped me. No I was clearly unaware that using an epipen could seriously impact my heart. It's only my heart that is racing and going berserk. Yep I completely missed that the last time I was hooked to a crash cart after epinephrine was administered. The doctor also did the epinephrine is a serious medicine and should only be used in emergencies lecture. So apparently I also completely missed the signs of when I should use an epipen. I was under the impression I should use it when I'm doing badly enough we need to call 911 or to you know maybe take the medicine early enough so I don't have to call 911. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe next time I should just wait till I stop breathing completely and someone else has to administer it. Yeah that sounds like a fantastic idea. Or I guess I'm just unaware of what anaphylaxis is. I don't know what else to call it when your throat swells closed, you have an audible stridor, severe respiratory distress to the point of turning blue, itchiness in the mouth, blood pressure that drops like a stone, heart rate that goes bananas, turn bright red and burning hot before turning whiter than a sheet from not breathing, tingling in the mouth, tingling in the hands, dizziness, and that wonderful sense of impending doom i.e. utter panic. Last time I checked that was called anaphylaxis. But hey according to the guy with the degree I'm wrong so clearly he's right. Riiiiiiiiiiiight.
I've come to the conclusion that doctors use people like dartboards. (I said doctors not nurses for a reason. If health care was run by EMTs and nurses things would probably go much better.) They throw medicines and treatments at you until something sort of kind of sticks. Well if nothing sticks then clearly you're beyond their help or better yet you're to blame. The greatest irony of the whole situation is that I typically wait till the last minute to use an epipen. I have been flat out fussed at by the EMTs that have shown up at the house because I waited so long. When I have to deal with idiot doctors I want to make them go work a few days in the ER to remember that medicine doesn't always fit into your nice perfect little box. Instead of giving up on the patient or punting them to someone else maybe you, the doctor, are the problem.
I've met a lot of people that wonder why I have such a bad attitude about doctors. Days like yesterday are exactly why I'm such a sour puss. It doesn't make anyone happy to be dumped by one doctor and punted by another. It's frustrating beyond all reason to be lectured again and again. It's infuriating to be poked and prodded endlessly with no answers or end in sight. The worst part is there is no amount of explaining or hospital reports that will convince some doctors. Moments like this are when my desire to take my hands off the wheel comes flaring up. By that I mean I want to say well fine if everything you said is true then I can stop all of this medicine and we'll just see what happens. I can just not bother going to the doctor because clearly you have no idea what to do with me. Based off my hospital records you don't seem to be doing me much good either. It's also moments like this which reinforce my standing opinions of not dealing with doctors until I'm seriously, seriously ill and that modern medicine treats people like one of two things idiots or dartboards. Which I am neither.
I also got the typical lecture about how often I use my epipen. Its like doctors think that somehow this all escaped me. No I was clearly unaware that using an epipen could seriously impact my heart. It's only my heart that is racing and going berserk. Yep I completely missed that the last time I was hooked to a crash cart after epinephrine was administered. The doctor also did the epinephrine is a serious medicine and should only be used in emergencies lecture. So apparently I also completely missed the signs of when I should use an epipen. I was under the impression I should use it when I'm doing badly enough we need to call 911 or to you know maybe take the medicine early enough so I don't have to call 911. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe next time I should just wait till I stop breathing completely and someone else has to administer it. Yeah that sounds like a fantastic idea. Or I guess I'm just unaware of what anaphylaxis is. I don't know what else to call it when your throat swells closed, you have an audible stridor, severe respiratory distress to the point of turning blue, itchiness in the mouth, blood pressure that drops like a stone, heart rate that goes bananas, turn bright red and burning hot before turning whiter than a sheet from not breathing, tingling in the mouth, tingling in the hands, dizziness, and that wonderful sense of impending doom i.e. utter panic. Last time I checked that was called anaphylaxis. But hey according to the guy with the degree I'm wrong so clearly he's right. Riiiiiiiiiiiight.
I've come to the conclusion that doctors use people like dartboards. (I said doctors not nurses for a reason. If health care was run by EMTs and nurses things would probably go much better.) They throw medicines and treatments at you until something sort of kind of sticks. Well if nothing sticks then clearly you're beyond their help or better yet you're to blame. The greatest irony of the whole situation is that I typically wait till the last minute to use an epipen. I have been flat out fussed at by the EMTs that have shown up at the house because I waited so long. When I have to deal with idiot doctors I want to make them go work a few days in the ER to remember that medicine doesn't always fit into your nice perfect little box. Instead of giving up on the patient or punting them to someone else maybe you, the doctor, are the problem.
I've met a lot of people that wonder why I have such a bad attitude about doctors. Days like yesterday are exactly why I'm such a sour puss. It doesn't make anyone happy to be dumped by one doctor and punted by another. It's frustrating beyond all reason to be lectured again and again. It's infuriating to be poked and prodded endlessly with no answers or end in sight. The worst part is there is no amount of explaining or hospital reports that will convince some doctors. Moments like this are when my desire to take my hands off the wheel comes flaring up. By that I mean I want to say well fine if everything you said is true then I can stop all of this medicine and we'll just see what happens. I can just not bother going to the doctor because clearly you have no idea what to do with me. Based off my hospital records you don't seem to be doing me much good either. It's also moments like this which reinforce my standing opinions of not dealing with doctors until I'm seriously, seriously ill and that modern medicine treats people like one of two things idiots or dartboards. Which I am neither.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
I like those odds
Some days I really think that if I wasn't Mormon I would play the lottery. One in a million odds seem to be my specialty. I can give a great example. Yesterday I had a methacholine challenge test. If you're scratching your head wondering what that is don't feel bad. I'd never heard of it either until my allergist mentioned it. It's to confirm or rule out a diagnosis of asthma. It's important to know if you're dealing with asthma and allergies or asthma-like symptoms and allergies.
The premise of the test is that a pulmonary function test (pft) is performed to get a baseline. Then you breathe in a saline solution. Another pft is performed. Finally in stages you breathe in methacholine and take another pft after each stage. In theory what should happen in someone with asthma is the following: the lungs should react and there may be mild upper airway constriction. It causes a very distinct and noticeable drop in pulmonary function. If they see this drop in pulmonary functions then it's considered a positive test result which is an absolute indicator of asthma. Now it should be noted that a negative test result doesn't necessarily completely rule out asthma it just argues against asthma.
In theory no one should have an allergic reaction to methacholine. That should have been our first clue. The test has been around since the '40s so it's considered very safe. Well you're looking at one of the very few people to manage to buck that trend. The test was going fine which should have been the first sign something was bound to go wrong. I'd had the first dose of methacholine administered to me and the pft done. While I waited for the next dose I started coughing. Now that isn't at all surprising I'd been coughing already for two days from being off most of my medications. Also methacholine is known to cause cough in some people. The problem is that methacholine should respond almost immediately to albuterol.
When I started to flush the respiratory tech, Micheal, started to get a little panicky. I can't blame him, if you've ever seen my list of allergies you might panic too. Then I asked the question that really made him panic, it is normal to feel itchy? That was the big red flag that something was going wrong during this test. So he started a nebulizer treatment but my coughing got worse. This was the point he switched to oxygen and paged the doctor. I managed to get two doctors and another tech in the room. Benadryl, oxygen, and a little bit of time later I was back to stable again. I did manage to give them quite the scare though with my heart rate. It was bouncing all over the place from 105bpm up to 140 bpm and everywhere in between.On a positive note the pulse oximeter didn't register a drop in O2 saturation so that was good.
So the moral of the story is that it is unlikely that I have asthma. The evidence just doesn't support it. Do I have something that looks and acts remarably like asthma, yep. Is it actually asthma? Probably not. Also they were able to draw blood to check a particular level in my blood. It's called a serum tryptase level. For several of the diseases they are considering an elevated level is a clear indicator. The other moral of the story is that I run the odds and well. If there is a one in a million chance of it happening you might want to plan on it with me.
The premise of the test is that a pulmonary function test (pft) is performed to get a baseline. Then you breathe in a saline solution. Another pft is performed. Finally in stages you breathe in methacholine and take another pft after each stage. In theory what should happen in someone with asthma is the following: the lungs should react and there may be mild upper airway constriction. It causes a very distinct and noticeable drop in pulmonary function. If they see this drop in pulmonary functions then it's considered a positive test result which is an absolute indicator of asthma. Now it should be noted that a negative test result doesn't necessarily completely rule out asthma it just argues against asthma.
In theory no one should have an allergic reaction to methacholine. That should have been our first clue. The test has been around since the '40s so it's considered very safe. Well you're looking at one of the very few people to manage to buck that trend. The test was going fine which should have been the first sign something was bound to go wrong. I'd had the first dose of methacholine administered to me and the pft done. While I waited for the next dose I started coughing. Now that isn't at all surprising I'd been coughing already for two days from being off most of my medications. Also methacholine is known to cause cough in some people. The problem is that methacholine should respond almost immediately to albuterol.
When I started to flush the respiratory tech, Micheal, started to get a little panicky. I can't blame him, if you've ever seen my list of allergies you might panic too. Then I asked the question that really made him panic, it is normal to feel itchy? That was the big red flag that something was going wrong during this test. So he started a nebulizer treatment but my coughing got worse. This was the point he switched to oxygen and paged the doctor. I managed to get two doctors and another tech in the room. Benadryl, oxygen, and a little bit of time later I was back to stable again. I did manage to give them quite the scare though with my heart rate. It was bouncing all over the place from 105bpm up to 140 bpm and everywhere in between.On a positive note the pulse oximeter didn't register a drop in O2 saturation so that was good.
So the moral of the story is that it is unlikely that I have asthma. The evidence just doesn't support it. Do I have something that looks and acts remarably like asthma, yep. Is it actually asthma? Probably not. Also they were able to draw blood to check a particular level in my blood. It's called a serum tryptase level. For several of the diseases they are considering an elevated level is a clear indicator. The other moral of the story is that I run the odds and well. If there is a one in a million chance of it happening you might want to plan on it with me.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Things you didn't know
On a completely unrelated but still awesome note my blog made it to more than 1000 page views! I find this both encouraging and awesome. It's always nice to know someone is reading. I hope that this blog dispenses advice, humor, updates, and an insight into my life. I've noticed more and more lately that many of the people in my life are struggling through some tough things. It seems that life has been pretty hard on all of us lately. It reminds me of a quote I saw recently, "Be kind to those you meet. We're all fighting the hardest battle we've ever faced, life."
I've also found that the people I think of as strong struggle. I have no doubt that when we finally see those strong outer veneers crack there's been a world of struggles that preceded that moment. To me it's kind of like my back problems. If you were unaware I actually have pretty severe back problems. There are thankfully and thanks to an amazing chiropractor some good spots in my back. However there are also some serious problem areas.
It's something I'm always surprised that people don't know about me. Currently my neck has lost half the amount of curvature it should have. It's slowly becoming completely straight which causes a host of problems. My spine is shifted to the side between my shoulder blades. I have three discs that are bulging, they're symptomatic in case you wondered. Also at the base of my spine it curves to the right pretty drastically. It's actually visible on an x-ray how much it twists to the right. What that amounts to is that my nerves are being pinched in two spots on my spine. This causes numbness is both my right hand, right arm and right leg. My lower back is usually the more painful and problematic of the two areas. It's become enough of a problem I'm having a nerve block next week.
I know to many people this seems drastic. The problem is first that I'm ridiculously allergic to steroids. I already have a known allergy to at least two steroids. Obviously knowing that my doctor isn't going to risk trying a third out. Also when I say allergic I mean anaphylactic I will die allergic not it bothers my stomach. So that leaves a nerve block as the next option of how to deal with the pain. The hope is that once we deal with the pain I will be able to do things to regain my mobility which is pretty much at nill.
The point of this analogy is that my back problems are a serious problem that effect ( insert affect if that's the correct one I can never remember which is right when) me daily. However it's something that I have up until recently managed to not talk about. Looking at me you might never guess how bad the problem really is. I mean I've avoided the topic so well people that live with me were floored that I was hurting bad enough to go to a pain management clinic. That's often the problem with the problems in our lives. We face them alone until we can't anymore. That's the moment people see the crack in that strong outer veneer.
I can't tell people to be open about all the problems in their lives. Actually I won't say that because I try not to give advice I know I wouldn't do. But if you're reading this blog then I want you to know something. You are not alone. No matter how overwhelming the problems in your life seem or how good you've become at hiding them there's always someone you can reach out to. I can't promise to hear you very well but I can promise I listen extremely well.
I've also found that the people I think of as strong struggle. I have no doubt that when we finally see those strong outer veneers crack there's been a world of struggles that preceded that moment. To me it's kind of like my back problems. If you were unaware I actually have pretty severe back problems. There are thankfully and thanks to an amazing chiropractor some good spots in my back. However there are also some serious problem areas.
It's something I'm always surprised that people don't know about me. Currently my neck has lost half the amount of curvature it should have. It's slowly becoming completely straight which causes a host of problems. My spine is shifted to the side between my shoulder blades. I have three discs that are bulging, they're symptomatic in case you wondered. Also at the base of my spine it curves to the right pretty drastically. It's actually visible on an x-ray how much it twists to the right. What that amounts to is that my nerves are being pinched in two spots on my spine. This causes numbness is both my right hand, right arm and right leg. My lower back is usually the more painful and problematic of the two areas. It's become enough of a problem I'm having a nerve block next week.
I know to many people this seems drastic. The problem is first that I'm ridiculously allergic to steroids. I already have a known allergy to at least two steroids. Obviously knowing that my doctor isn't going to risk trying a third out. Also when I say allergic I mean anaphylactic I will die allergic not it bothers my stomach. So that leaves a nerve block as the next option of how to deal with the pain. The hope is that once we deal with the pain I will be able to do things to regain my mobility which is pretty much at nill.
The point of this analogy is that my back problems are a serious problem that effect ( insert affect if that's the correct one I can never remember which is right when) me daily. However it's something that I have up until recently managed to not talk about. Looking at me you might never guess how bad the problem really is. I mean I've avoided the topic so well people that live with me were floored that I was hurting bad enough to go to a pain management clinic. That's often the problem with the problems in our lives. We face them alone until we can't anymore. That's the moment people see the crack in that strong outer veneer.
I can't tell people to be open about all the problems in their lives. Actually I won't say that because I try not to give advice I know I wouldn't do. But if you're reading this blog then I want you to know something. You are not alone. No matter how overwhelming the problems in your life seem or how good you've become at hiding them there's always someone you can reach out to. I can't promise to hear you very well but I can promise I listen extremely well.
Friday, September 27, 2013
The good things in life.
I often talk about the things that are going medically right or wrong with me in my blog. Today I want to change the topic a little. I want to tell you about some of the great things in my life. I really think I don't spend enough time talking about them.
The first one that comes to me is my amazing family. I'm blessed to have four wonderful women I call sisters. These four women are absolutely amazing. I especially want to single out my sister Heather. She's growing into such an amazing woman! She's always upbeat, extremely intelligent and one of the friendliest people I've ever known. We are becoming so bad about quoting Psych or American Outlaws to each other. We always tell each other, "It's NOT contagious," and then promptly burst out laughing.
I'm also blessed to have three sets of parents in my life. I have my actual biological parents, my parents in law, and my second parents the Repshers. Between all three sets there is always someone to give me advice and support me. There is always someone to hold my hand when things get tough or kick my butt when I need it. I can't imagine trying to navigate life without them.
There's a man I want to single out, my Tay-tay. He's my best friend and like a big brother to me. He's my call at three in the morning because I can't sleep. He's the first one to make me laugh and remind me that it always gets better. He gets me into trouble all the time. He's also the person who can make me laugh when I don't think it's possible.I also got him to dance at my wedding which was a miracle!
Another man that is so very important to me is my Pop. My grandfather is one of the best people I've ever known in my life. He has the kind of quiet faith in the Lord that I can only hope to have when I'm his age. He gets me to smile no matter how sick or tired I am. He has often been a father figure in my life. He went to the school plays and award ceremonies. He picked me up from school when I was sick. He's been an incredible constant in my life. He's taught me through example the kind of person I want to be.
There's someone else I want to single out. It's my niece Abby. The boogie bear has an incredible way of making even the hardest day better. A bonk from her or her repetitive hi always make my day. She is without a doubt the cutest little kid I've ever known. It's amazing to me to see how much she changes every time I see her. It also is wonderful to see her doing even a little baby sign language.
For all that is often wrong with my life I still count myself as incredibly blessed.
The first one that comes to me is my amazing family. I'm blessed to have four wonderful women I call sisters. These four women are absolutely amazing. I especially want to single out my sister Heather. She's growing into such an amazing woman! She's always upbeat, extremely intelligent and one of the friendliest people I've ever known. We are becoming so bad about quoting Psych or American Outlaws to each other. We always tell each other, "It's NOT contagious," and then promptly burst out laughing.
I'm also blessed to have three sets of parents in my life. I have my actual biological parents, my parents in law, and my second parents the Repshers. Between all three sets there is always someone to give me advice and support me. There is always someone to hold my hand when things get tough or kick my butt when I need it. I can't imagine trying to navigate life without them.
There's a man I want to single out, my Tay-tay. He's my best friend and like a big brother to me. He's my call at three in the morning because I can't sleep. He's the first one to make me laugh and remind me that it always gets better. He gets me into trouble all the time. He's also the person who can make me laugh when I don't think it's possible.I also got him to dance at my wedding which was a miracle!
Another man that is so very important to me is my Pop. My grandfather is one of the best people I've ever known in my life. He has the kind of quiet faith in the Lord that I can only hope to have when I'm his age. He gets me to smile no matter how sick or tired I am. He has often been a father figure in my life. He went to the school plays and award ceremonies. He picked me up from school when I was sick. He's been an incredible constant in my life. He's taught me through example the kind of person I want to be.
There's someone else I want to single out. It's my niece Abby. The boogie bear has an incredible way of making even the hardest day better. A bonk from her or her repetitive hi always make my day. She is without a doubt the cutest little kid I've ever known. It's amazing to me to see how much she changes every time I see her. It also is wonderful to see her doing even a little baby sign language.
For all that is often wrong with my life I still count myself as incredibly blessed.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
An apple a day keeps the doctor way too close
So my wonderful sister Heather and I were eating lunch together yesterday. I had sliced up a raw apple and made a sandwich. I got two bites into my sandwich and a few bites into my apple. Then my mouth started to tingle and feel weird. As someone with severe allergies that is a major red flag. So I spit the apple out. When I started to cough I took my rescue inhaler and a full dose of liquid Benadryl. When the coughing got worse I took a breathing treatment. Nothing was working so I used my epipen. This was when it started to get scary. The epipen didn't work. At all. This was the point I told Heather to call 911. An epipen should have pretty close to immediate results. If you don't see any improvement in at least three minutes it's not good. Well the EMTs got to the house pretty quickly. By the time they got to the house I was choking and turning blue in the lips.
Normally EMTs get you into the ambulance and then start treating you. Today was a we're treating you where you're laying on your bed. For the first time ever someone got an IV in on the first try without blowing a vein! I really think EMTs should teach other people how to do IVs. Well they did a second shot of epinephrine, a shot of Benadryl and another breathing treatment. It started to help enough that my lips weren't blue anymore.
The EMTs got me moved into the ambulance. Moving me was quite the feat since they had to pull the oxygen mask off and the EMT fireman carried me to the stretcher in the hall. They thought they were going to be able to go non-emergency at first. By the time the second EMT got back to the ambulance after going back into the house to get his bag things went from bad to worse. The second shot of epinephrine should have opened everything up..it didn't. Things were bad enough that a pulse oximeter on my finger didn't work. They couldn't get any readings from it. The EMT increased the oxygen in my mask and did a 3rd breathing treatment.
Since the epi wasn't working he made a potentially dangerous call. He gave me magnesium sulfate which I have never had before. With my list of allergies it was clear he was backed into a corner. EMTs normally treat with a solu medrol pack. Well solu medrol is a form of prednisone which I am deathly allergic to. Because I'm allergic to steroids it severely ties the EMTs hands when they're trying to treat me. He made the right call to try the magnesium sulfate. While it was a risk it would eventually pay off. By the time we were turning off of my street things went from worse to life threatening. My airway closed completely. I started choking badly. For the first time I got sedated in the ambulance to facilitate intubation if it came to that. The EMT also needed something to relax me so my heart rate could come down some and I could calm down some. I was understandably freaked out and it was not helping my breathing.
I've had EMTs consider intubating before but this was the closest I've ever gotten to it. The EMT had everything out and ready to intubate when I finally turned a corner. The medicine finally started to take effect. By the time we reached the ER I was starting to stabilize. The EMT that treated me spoke to Alex. He said that he's been doing that job for 20 years. He said that he has never been that scared or shaken before in his entire career. Alex said that even by then he was still visibly shaken. He told Alex it was the first time after getting a patient to the hospital that he had to sit down and collect himself.
He was also going to do something for us that is pretty amazing. Our house is now flagged in the EMS database. So if I call and am unable to speak they will send EMTs immediately. Also if we find out a clear diagnosis of Mast Cell Activation Disease they actually have a protocol for it. They start an epinephrine drip instead of doing single shots of epi. It is something strangely enough that the EMTs in our area are completely familiar with. On a side note I was taken to the hospital that I usually avoid like the plague. However they improved!! After my last visit went so bad I spoke with their risk management director a few weeks ago. I actually saw the improvements this time around. They called for a physical interpreter and wrote things down till he arrived!! They even used tape not bandaids on me. It was awesome. It's nice to know that an ER can improve and quickly.
In a way all's well that ends well. I'm at home recuperating from the whole mess. I'm grateful to amazing EMTs that I know we're nothing less than inspired on how to help me. I'm also very grateful to an ER that improved and did the right thing by contacting an interpreter immediately. Thankfully this ambulance and ER trip ended ok. I'd love to say I think I'll avoid any more close calls but recent history has shown that just isn't going to happen. I can only hope that those around me will continue to be inspired on how to best help me!
Normally EMTs get you into the ambulance and then start treating you. Today was a we're treating you where you're laying on your bed. For the first time ever someone got an IV in on the first try without blowing a vein! I really think EMTs should teach other people how to do IVs. Well they did a second shot of epinephrine, a shot of Benadryl and another breathing treatment. It started to help enough that my lips weren't blue anymore.
The EMTs got me moved into the ambulance. Moving me was quite the feat since they had to pull the oxygen mask off and the EMT fireman carried me to the stretcher in the hall. They thought they were going to be able to go non-emergency at first. By the time the second EMT got back to the ambulance after going back into the house to get his bag things went from bad to worse. The second shot of epinephrine should have opened everything up..it didn't. Things were bad enough that a pulse oximeter on my finger didn't work. They couldn't get any readings from it. The EMT increased the oxygen in my mask and did a 3rd breathing treatment.
Since the epi wasn't working he made a potentially dangerous call. He gave me magnesium sulfate which I have never had before. With my list of allergies it was clear he was backed into a corner. EMTs normally treat with a solu medrol pack. Well solu medrol is a form of prednisone which I am deathly allergic to. Because I'm allergic to steroids it severely ties the EMTs hands when they're trying to treat me. He made the right call to try the magnesium sulfate. While it was a risk it would eventually pay off. By the time we were turning off of my street things went from worse to life threatening. My airway closed completely. I started choking badly. For the first time I got sedated in the ambulance to facilitate intubation if it came to that. The EMT also needed something to relax me so my heart rate could come down some and I could calm down some. I was understandably freaked out and it was not helping my breathing.
I've had EMTs consider intubating before but this was the closest I've ever gotten to it. The EMT had everything out and ready to intubate when I finally turned a corner. The medicine finally started to take effect. By the time we reached the ER I was starting to stabilize. The EMT that treated me spoke to Alex. He said that he's been doing that job for 20 years. He said that he has never been that scared or shaken before in his entire career. Alex said that even by then he was still visibly shaken. He told Alex it was the first time after getting a patient to the hospital that he had to sit down and collect himself.
He was also going to do something for us that is pretty amazing. Our house is now flagged in the EMS database. So if I call and am unable to speak they will send EMTs immediately. Also if we find out a clear diagnosis of Mast Cell Activation Disease they actually have a protocol for it. They start an epinephrine drip instead of doing single shots of epi. It is something strangely enough that the EMTs in our area are completely familiar with. On a side note I was taken to the hospital that I usually avoid like the plague. However they improved!! After my last visit went so bad I spoke with their risk management director a few weeks ago. I actually saw the improvements this time around. They called for a physical interpreter and wrote things down till he arrived!! They even used tape not bandaids on me. It was awesome. It's nice to know that an ER can improve and quickly.
In a way all's well that ends well. I'm at home recuperating from the whole mess. I'm grateful to amazing EMTs that I know we're nothing less than inspired on how to help me. I'm also very grateful to an ER that improved and did the right thing by contacting an interpreter immediately. Thankfully this ambulance and ER trip ended ok. I'd love to say I think I'll avoid any more close calls but recent history has shown that just isn't going to happen. I can only hope that those around me will continue to be inspired on how to best help me!
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Steriods are still a bad idea
So we all know that I'm very, very, very allergic to certain medications. If you were somehow unaware of this well...now you know. Several of the medications I'm allergic to are completely normal allergies like penicillin. Other medications I'm allergic to are less normal like oxycontin. Then there are a few that make the list that make zero sense as to how I'm allergic to them. Case in point: prednisone. This is a medication that is indigenous. There should be no possible way to be allergic to it. It's even the medication they give in the ER for someone having an allergic reaction.
Somehow though my body has managed to be allergic to it. Not just kind of allergic or mildly allergic to it. Oh no it's one of my if I take this medicine I will die allergies. If you think I'm kidding just ask my parent's about the last time I was given a predisone. It's not even that I'm allergic to just one form of it. Nope I'm allergic to every possible form in the entire predisone family. I've had it orally in tablet and liquid form. I've even had it in my IV before. I reacted to every single kind and badly.
Because of this uniqueness my pharmacy red flags any and all steroids. My pharmacists takes me even trying something steroidal very seriously. On that note my allergist really wanted me to try Flonase. Well Flonase is a corticosteroid. This meant that the pharmacy plays phone tag with me and the doctor's office. First they call the doctor's office to make sure they know I'm allergic to steroids and ask if there is an alternative medicine that I could be prescribed. They then call me to make sure I know this medication is red flagged as either a known allergy or a very very very likely allergy.
In the case of Flonase the possible benefits if it worked would be huge. Therefore we weighed the risks and went ahead with it. My pharmacist spoke to me when I picked the medicine up. She explained to take a tiny tester dose with an epipen at the ready. She made sure I knew what to do if I went into anaphylactic shock. She really didn't want to give me the medicine but as an adult I'm allowed to make those kinds of potentially stupid decisions. Well to absolutely no one's surprise I reacted badly to the Flonase. An epipen, breathing treatments, benadryl, rescue inhaler, and 3 kinds of itch cream later I'm returning to normal. I even got to skip going to the ER. I know I'm such a rebel not going to the ER after taking an epipen. Unfortunately that means that steroids continue to be a huge NO-NO.
Somehow though my body has managed to be allergic to it. Not just kind of allergic or mildly allergic to it. Oh no it's one of my if I take this medicine I will die allergies. If you think I'm kidding just ask my parent's about the last time I was given a predisone. It's not even that I'm allergic to just one form of it. Nope I'm allergic to every possible form in the entire predisone family. I've had it orally in tablet and liquid form. I've even had it in my IV before. I reacted to every single kind and badly.
Because of this uniqueness my pharmacy red flags any and all steroids. My pharmacists takes me even trying something steroidal very seriously. On that note my allergist really wanted me to try Flonase. Well Flonase is a corticosteroid. This meant that the pharmacy plays phone tag with me and the doctor's office. First they call the doctor's office to make sure they know I'm allergic to steroids and ask if there is an alternative medicine that I could be prescribed. They then call me to make sure I know this medication is red flagged as either a known allergy or a very very very likely allergy.
In the case of Flonase the possible benefits if it worked would be huge. Therefore we weighed the risks and went ahead with it. My pharmacist spoke to me when I picked the medicine up. She explained to take a tiny tester dose with an epipen at the ready. She made sure I knew what to do if I went into anaphylactic shock. She really didn't want to give me the medicine but as an adult I'm allowed to make those kinds of potentially stupid decisions. Well to absolutely no one's surprise I reacted badly to the Flonase. An epipen, breathing treatments, benadryl, rescue inhaler, and 3 kinds of itch cream later I'm returning to normal. I even got to skip going to the ER. I know I'm such a rebel not going to the ER after taking an epipen. Unfortunately that means that steroids continue to be a huge NO-NO.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
My normal is NOT normal
I had an two experiences yesterday that reminded me that what has become normal to me isn't normal. The first happened during my 5 hour doctor visit. Yes you read that right it really says 5 hour. I'm seeing a new allergist because my last allergist quit on me. He decided that he simply couldn't manage my case. While I met with the fellow working under the main doctor it hit. As I rattled off my medical history even just over the last 3 years it is just ridiculous to be honest.
Most of the time I don't stop to think about how sick I've been. When I have to tell someone else about it though I notice. It's those moments that remind me that what has become completely normal to me is NOT normal. I think it's worse when this moment happens with a medical professional. The average person doesn't have a full understanding of how close some of the close calls have been or how unusual it all is. A medical professional is all too aware of both. The doctor did a lot of the wide eyed are you really telling me the truth look? It's usually the seriousness in my face that clues them in that I am not joking, lying or exaggerating. If they were worried before they realize that I'm completely serious it only intensifies. He handled it fairly well being a still new doctor. I have this sinking suspicion that I will be the case he's still talking about ten years from now because it's just so darn weird.
The second experience was when we stopped by Alex's recruiter's office to finish up more paperwork. The recruiter was wearing cologne... Thankfully we caught it fast as I sprinted out of his office and to the car for the liquid Benadryl. Liquid Benadryl, AC in the car and my rescue inhaler later I was doing ok. When I came back into the office about fifteen minutes later I sat on the opposite end of it from the recruiter. But that's not what reminded me of why my life is very very far from normal. That has become par for the course. It was when I asked the recruiter a question. I asked, "If something happens and he needs to be contacted how do I do that?"
I'm sure that as a recruiter he's answered that question countless times. However it was the look on his face that made this different. He had that wide eyed look of understanding. It's amazing to watch someone's face as the wheels begin to turn and click. He realized that I wasn't asking just to know or in an abstract maybe I'll need this at some point way. I asked in a I know I'm going to need this I was just in the ICU two weeks ago way and it kind of freaked him out. That's when I'm reminded that my life isn't normal at all. I think it says something that you can unnerve someone who has been in the military for decades with a question. I'm not sure if it's a good something or a bad something but it says something. At the very least it says loud and clear my normal is NOT normal.
Most of the time I don't stop to think about how sick I've been. When I have to tell someone else about it though I notice. It's those moments that remind me that what has become completely normal to me is NOT normal. I think it's worse when this moment happens with a medical professional. The average person doesn't have a full understanding of how close some of the close calls have been or how unusual it all is. A medical professional is all too aware of both. The doctor did a lot of the wide eyed are you really telling me the truth look? It's usually the seriousness in my face that clues them in that I am not joking, lying or exaggerating. If they were worried before they realize that I'm completely serious it only intensifies. He handled it fairly well being a still new doctor. I have this sinking suspicion that I will be the case he's still talking about ten years from now because it's just so darn weird.
The second experience was when we stopped by Alex's recruiter's office to finish up more paperwork. The recruiter was wearing cologne... Thankfully we caught it fast as I sprinted out of his office and to the car for the liquid Benadryl. Liquid Benadryl, AC in the car and my rescue inhaler later I was doing ok. When I came back into the office about fifteen minutes later I sat on the opposite end of it from the recruiter. But that's not what reminded me of why my life is very very far from normal. That has become par for the course. It was when I asked the recruiter a question. I asked, "If something happens and he needs to be contacted how do I do that?"
I'm sure that as a recruiter he's answered that question countless times. However it was the look on his face that made this different. He had that wide eyed look of understanding. It's amazing to watch someone's face as the wheels begin to turn and click. He realized that I wasn't asking just to know or in an abstract maybe I'll need this at some point way. I asked in a I know I'm going to need this I was just in the ICU two weeks ago way and it kind of freaked him out. That's when I'm reminded that my life isn't normal at all. I think it says something that you can unnerve someone who has been in the military for decades with a question. I'm not sure if it's a good something or a bad something but it says something. At the very least it says loud and clear my normal is NOT normal.
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