It is...
More medicine than you ever thought you could take
More shots than you ever thought you could endure
Blown veins and blood tests
Bruises and IV holes
3 a.m.s of sleepless pain and 3 p.m.s of exhaustion
Checking every ingredient in every food that touches your lips
Knowing nothing is ever completely safe
When walking in the park is a dangerous activity
Hydrocortisone for the itching
Benadryl in every form
Barely healing from the last ER visit when you have to go back
Ambulance rides that terrify you
A spouse who hears those awful words, we're doing all we can
Nights in the ICU
Machines that breathe for you
Gratitude for what you do have
Laughter even in the worst of times
Faith that there is a plan even when you can't see it
Refusing to wallow in self pity
Getting up and getting dressed every day no matter how sick you feel
Making the bed and doing the dishes to feel human again
A wonderful dog that always makes you smile
An incredible family
A spouse who holds your hand through the long nights
Believing that even when you can't see God's hand you can trust his heart
Friday, September 6, 2013
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Hospitals give the best bruises
I used to be a fairly athletic person and in so doing I would get
bruises. I have also accumulated my fair share of bruises from pure
klutzy lack of coordination. However none of the bruises I've gotten
from sports or klutziness begin to compare with the bruises I get
when hospitals are involved. Hospitals really do give the best
bruises. The Sunday before Labor Day was a pretty typical Sunday. I made a
new record! Twenty minutes in Church before I had to use a ridiculous
amount of Benadryl and mountain dew. I also started to turn blue in
the face, not cool right. Well after a lot of medicine and sleep I
woke up Labor Day doing less than great. After a breathing treatment
I was feeling a little better. I had made plans to spend time with my
mom on Labor Day. My mom and I decided the safest activity we could
think about was a walk in our local park.
A walk in the park should be safe right? Wrong. We made it once around the track before I started coughing and turning red. We headed to a Walgreens to try my caffeine and Benadryl avoidance method. Well don't be shocked but it didn't work. I had to use my epi-pen and the Walgreens staff called 911. We might have been ok without calling an ambulance but the friendly lady trying to help me had perfume on. An ambulance ride involving a lot of medicine later I landed in the ER... AGAIN. ARRGH! Although this was the best ER visit I've ever had though. They whipped out the relay computer immediately, it was awesome! A chest x-ray, more medicine, two blown veins from a nurse trying to take my blood, and a few hours later I was doing more or less better. However it came back and with a vengeance too. At that point I had to be given more epi and Benadryl. My amazing home teacher came to give me a blessing in the midst of all of this. Once we hit that third shot of epinephrine in less than eight hours it was decided my butt was being admitted to the hospital. Thankfully I had picked the ER where my regular doctor has admitting privileges. By the time they were ready to move me up to a regular room I was stable.
We got up to the floor and I was wheeled into the room. That was when to pardon the expression but all hell broke loose. The guy moving me didn't realize I had come into the ER for anaphylaxis. They had tried to move me into a room that had been cleaned minutes before with heavy floral cleaners. I was quickly wheeled into another room as I went back into anaphylactic shock. Thankfully the guy moving me was trained as an EMT. The nurses around me thought it was an asthma attack but he knew better. He basically ignored them and broke into their crash cart for epinephrine because none had been authorized on the floor I was sent to. When he gave me my fourth shot of epi in less than twelve hours my heart went berserk.
They cut my top off of me and quickly hooked me up to a crash cart. I was really bummed to lose another of my nice tank tops from Utah to the hospital. It was necessary though since my heart rate hit 174 bpm which is edging right into the danger zone for tachycardia becoming cardiac arrest. My heart rate went from about 85 bpm to 174 bpm in less than ten minutes. The EMT guy also insisted on putting a second IV in and starting an epi drip. He was trying to avoid giving me any more epi through my leg because of how hard it would hit my heart. The EMT knew that one more shot of epi was severely risking my chances of cardiac arrest. He took charge of the situation since the nurses on the floor seemed very unsure of what to do. I also managed to get every nurse and doctor on the floor crowded into my room all at once so new record there. I was also introduced to a new machine I haven't been familiar with before in all my hospital soujourns. They got a Darth Vader looking mask over my face and had me hooked to a machine called a bipap. Basically what it did was force air through my lungs when it got too difficult for me to breathe on my own. I'm eternally grateful that EMT was at the right place at the right time. I owe him my life.
After the epic fiasco of trying to put me into a regular room I was moved down to ICU where I stayed for the remainder of my time in the hospital. I'm also proud to say the hospital did pretty well with my restricted diet. I had one other attack while in the ICU but even more medicine later I was stable enough to go home. Other than some ugly looking bruises from blown veins and soreness in my leg from having soo much epi I'm doing pretty good all things considered. I'm recuperating at home now and counting my blessings.
A walk in the park should be safe right? Wrong. We made it once around the track before I started coughing and turning red. We headed to a Walgreens to try my caffeine and Benadryl avoidance method. Well don't be shocked but it didn't work. I had to use my epi-pen and the Walgreens staff called 911. We might have been ok without calling an ambulance but the friendly lady trying to help me had perfume on. An ambulance ride involving a lot of medicine later I landed in the ER... AGAIN. ARRGH! Although this was the best ER visit I've ever had though. They whipped out the relay computer immediately, it was awesome! A chest x-ray, more medicine, two blown veins from a nurse trying to take my blood, and a few hours later I was doing more or less better. However it came back and with a vengeance too. At that point I had to be given more epi and Benadryl. My amazing home teacher came to give me a blessing in the midst of all of this. Once we hit that third shot of epinephrine in less than eight hours it was decided my butt was being admitted to the hospital. Thankfully I had picked the ER where my regular doctor has admitting privileges. By the time they were ready to move me up to a regular room I was stable.
We got up to the floor and I was wheeled into the room. That was when to pardon the expression but all hell broke loose. The guy moving me didn't realize I had come into the ER for anaphylaxis. They had tried to move me into a room that had been cleaned minutes before with heavy floral cleaners. I was quickly wheeled into another room as I went back into anaphylactic shock. Thankfully the guy moving me was trained as an EMT. The nurses around me thought it was an asthma attack but he knew better. He basically ignored them and broke into their crash cart for epinephrine because none had been authorized on the floor I was sent to. When he gave me my fourth shot of epi in less than twelve hours my heart went berserk.
They cut my top off of me and quickly hooked me up to a crash cart. I was really bummed to lose another of my nice tank tops from Utah to the hospital. It was necessary though since my heart rate hit 174 bpm which is edging right into the danger zone for tachycardia becoming cardiac arrest. My heart rate went from about 85 bpm to 174 bpm in less than ten minutes. The EMT guy also insisted on putting a second IV in and starting an epi drip. He was trying to avoid giving me any more epi through my leg because of how hard it would hit my heart. The EMT knew that one more shot of epi was severely risking my chances of cardiac arrest. He took charge of the situation since the nurses on the floor seemed very unsure of what to do. I also managed to get every nurse and doctor on the floor crowded into my room all at once so new record there. I was also introduced to a new machine I haven't been familiar with before in all my hospital soujourns. They got a Darth Vader looking mask over my face and had me hooked to a machine called a bipap. Basically what it did was force air through my lungs when it got too difficult for me to breathe on my own. I'm eternally grateful that EMT was at the right place at the right time. I owe him my life.
After the epic fiasco of trying to put me into a regular room I was moved down to ICU where I stayed for the remainder of my time in the hospital. I'm also proud to say the hospital did pretty well with my restricted diet. I had one other attack while in the ICU but even more medicine later I was stable enough to go home. Other than some ugly looking bruises from blown veins and soreness in my leg from having soo much epi I'm doing pretty good all things considered. I'm recuperating at home now and counting my blessings.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
I don't bite and he's not blind.
So there are two questions that I get at a pretty much nonstop rate.
1. Are you blind?
2. Will he bite me? (Meaning Riddick while he's working.)
If either question sounds ridiculous to you then you're not alone. I tend to agree. In all fairness, seeing eye dogs are what people automatically picture when they think of a service dog. The funny thing about that is that hearing dogs outnumber guide dogs by as much as 3 to 1. Most people see a service dog and assume oh that person is blind. It's only worse when I wear sunglasses. I also find that people assume I'm blind when I don't notice or respond to their speaking to me. I guess they think I'm not responding because I can't see them not because I didn't hear them. Even if it is somewhat understandable it's still really annoying. It's especially annoying when someone asks me this after looking me in the eyes and I look back. I've decided to design a t-shirt that says: If you can read this you're as blind as I am. It's the best way I can think of to deal with this question.
The second question is the infinitely more obnoxious one. It drives me crazy to have people ask if Riddick is going to bite them. If he were doing something threatening I could maybe understand the question. However this question is almost always posed to me when he is just lying on the floor. More often that not people ask me that when he is taking a nap and drooling. I look at my not even remotely scary dog and then back at the person. I just want to say, "Seriously? He's taking a nap with his stuffed hedgehog, and you think he's going to bite you? What lead you to that bright conclusion? His drooling?" Thankfully, I don't typically smart off to people. Normally I politely say, "No, he's a trained service animal. They don't bite." Occasionally I sign something that may or may not be particularly polite.
So please, if you're out and about, don't ask those two questions when you see a person with their service dog. If nothing else do it as a favor to me! I promise you'll be doing that pair a favor by skipping the obnoxious questions.
1. Are you blind?
2. Will he bite me? (Meaning Riddick while he's working.)
If either question sounds ridiculous to you then you're not alone. I tend to agree. In all fairness, seeing eye dogs are what people automatically picture when they think of a service dog. The funny thing about that is that hearing dogs outnumber guide dogs by as much as 3 to 1. Most people see a service dog and assume oh that person is blind. It's only worse when I wear sunglasses. I also find that people assume I'm blind when I don't notice or respond to their speaking to me. I guess they think I'm not responding because I can't see them not because I didn't hear them. Even if it is somewhat understandable it's still really annoying. It's especially annoying when someone asks me this after looking me in the eyes and I look back. I've decided to design a t-shirt that says: If you can read this you're as blind as I am. It's the best way I can think of to deal with this question.
The second question is the infinitely more obnoxious one. It drives me crazy to have people ask if Riddick is going to bite them. If he were doing something threatening I could maybe understand the question. However this question is almost always posed to me when he is just lying on the floor. More often that not people ask me that when he is taking a nap and drooling. I look at my not even remotely scary dog and then back at the person. I just want to say, "Seriously? He's taking a nap with his stuffed hedgehog, and you think he's going to bite you? What lead you to that bright conclusion? His drooling?" Thankfully, I don't typically smart off to people. Normally I politely say, "No, he's a trained service animal. They don't bite." Occasionally I sign something that may or may not be particularly polite.
So please, if you're out and about, don't ask those two questions when you see a person with their service dog. If nothing else do it as a favor to me! I promise you'll be doing that pair a favor by skipping the obnoxious questions.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Lucky Number 7
So as you probably know we've had an exciting few days in the Bambas clan. I think we're all firm believers that excitement is overrated at this point. To give you a quick recap in case you missed it: thursday I had a bad reaction in the car but avoided an epi-pen. Friday night I had a terrible reaction and had to be transported to the ER via ambulance. Saturday I had a bad reaction and needed an epi-pen but avoided the ER. Sunday was all Alex. He was bitten by a dog and had to get 13 stitches in his chin. They were mostly just below his lip inside and out. Before anyone freaks out it WASN'T riddick who did the biting. Add in an almost car accident with Karen on Friday and one with Alex on Monday. Also our car battery died and had to be replaced last week. When it rains it really, really pours around here.
All of that excitement aside I wanted to take note of something. Friday night was the 7th time since April that I've gone into full blown anaphylactic shock. This was the 7th time that I ended up in the ER or admitted to the hospital for a severe allergic reaction. I personally think there's something pretty remarkable about my lucky number 7, I'm still kicking. While it's been a trying time there have been numerous silver linings in the clouds. Here are five of my silver linings that make getting through the rough patches possible. If you're struggling through your own rough patch hopefully these will bring a smile to your day!
Silver Linings
1. I haven't died!
2. I have an amazing family.
3. I have some incredible friends. Tay-Tay, Mady, Krystal, Cammie and many others who are just awesome.
4. I have a wonderful husband!
5. I have the gospel of Jesus Christ.
All of that excitement aside I wanted to take note of something. Friday night was the 7th time since April that I've gone into full blown anaphylactic shock. This was the 7th time that I ended up in the ER or admitted to the hospital for a severe allergic reaction. I personally think there's something pretty remarkable about my lucky number 7, I'm still kicking. While it's been a trying time there have been numerous silver linings in the clouds. Here are five of my silver linings that make getting through the rough patches possible. If you're struggling through your own rough patch hopefully these will bring a smile to your day!
Silver Linings
1. I haven't died!
2. I have an amazing family.
3. I have some incredible friends. Tay-Tay, Mady, Krystal, Cammie and many others who are just awesome.
4. I have a wonderful husband!
Friday, August 23, 2013
Close Calls
I had a blog post almost completely written and ready to be posted. The topic was whether or not to epi-pen. In it I freely admitted that I'm not an epi-pen first ask questions at the ER later kind of person. I also freely admitted that I try everything in my bag of tricks before I concede to use an epi-pen. Tonight I got a reality check about the dangers of that mindset. I had just finished eating dinner with my parents when the reaction started. Out of nowhere I suddenly felt itchy, flushed, and my throat felt like it was constricting. I tried everything in my bag of tricks when I probably should have just used the epi-pen. By the time I used my epi-pen the reaction was very far gone.
If you know me well you know that I've had a number of close calls over the years. I'm more familiar with hospitals and ERs than I'd care to be. Tonight was one of the closest calls I've ever had. I had to have a second epi-pen, a shot of benadryl and a shot of valium just in the ambulance. Inside the ambulance my condition went from bad to worse and it was an intense ride to the hospital. There was apparently a period of time that the EMTs were unable to get a blood pressure on me. I also went into such severe respiratory distress that they used a stethoscope to make sure I was still breathing. We reached the point where they were considering intubation. Thankfully I stabilized! I would be lying if I said I wasn't shaken by the whole thing. It was a stark reminder that the space between when a reaction starts and help arrives is longer than you think. While the space between a reaction starting and things getting out of control is much smaller than you think.
The whole thing was also a reminder of something else. I don't often talk about it but I have a very real fear of dying. I have an honest fear of dying from something like what happened tonight. More often than not I'm able to keep that fear in check with a healthy dose of perspective. The chances of me dying from anaphylaxis are actually pretty low. The fact that trained EMTs were there to make sure I made it through the ordeal also brings more of that perspective I often need to the party. I have to say though that no amount of perspective completely erases the fear from your mind. It does make me think long and hard sometimes. It strengthens my resolve to live my life so that there aren't any regrets on the table. It also reminds me to be grateful that God must think I've got more to do! Hopefully I can go a little longer without a close call from this point on.
If you know me well you know that I've had a number of close calls over the years. I'm more familiar with hospitals and ERs than I'd care to be. Tonight was one of the closest calls I've ever had. I had to have a second epi-pen, a shot of benadryl and a shot of valium just in the ambulance. Inside the ambulance my condition went from bad to worse and it was an intense ride to the hospital. There was apparently a period of time that the EMTs were unable to get a blood pressure on me. I also went into such severe respiratory distress that they used a stethoscope to make sure I was still breathing. We reached the point where they were considering intubation. Thankfully I stabilized! I would be lying if I said I wasn't shaken by the whole thing. It was a stark reminder that the space between when a reaction starts and help arrives is longer than you think. While the space between a reaction starting and things getting out of control is much smaller than you think.
The whole thing was also a reminder of something else. I don't often talk about it but I have a very real fear of dying. I have an honest fear of dying from something like what happened tonight. More often than not I'm able to keep that fear in check with a healthy dose of perspective. The chances of me dying from anaphylaxis are actually pretty low. The fact that trained EMTs were there to make sure I made it through the ordeal also brings more of that perspective I often need to the party. I have to say though that no amount of perspective completely erases the fear from your mind. It does make me think long and hard sometimes. It strengthens my resolve to live my life so that there aren't any regrets on the table. It also reminds me to be grateful that God must think I've got more to do! Hopefully I can go a little longer without a close call from this point on.
Gratitude List
I've found that when I'm having a particularly bad day making a gratitude list tends to help. Since today has been rather frustrating I'm taking the time to change my annoyance to gratitude. Here's my list:
1. I have NOT needed my epi-pen today!
2. I haven't needed ANY benadryl today! (Wooohooo!)
3. Alex has a steady job!
4. I haven't had any seizures today!
5. I have a wonderful and crazy family.
6. I have a dog that loves me.
7. I did the dishes and folded laundry today.
8. I've kept up with ALL of my medication today. (Courtesy of the 'calender' on the counter.)
9. I haven't needed my inhaler today.
10. I have an amazing family of friends.
11. I can still sorta hear very very loud music.
12. Hulu has captions.
13. I can watch the Book of Mormon in ASL.
14. I can watch talks and other gospel related stuff in ASL.
15. I have a wonderful husband.
16. I have a best friend who has seen me through almost a decade of ups and downs (Tay-tay that means you).
17. I have a wonderful Grandpa who always believes in me and makes me smile!
18. I have a wonderful extended family.
19. I can't hear but I can still see!
20. I can still laugh.
1. I have NOT needed my epi-pen today!
2. I haven't needed ANY benadryl today! (Wooohooo!)
3. Alex has a steady job!
4. I haven't had any seizures today!
5. I have a wonderful and crazy family.
6. I have a dog that loves me.
7. I did the dishes and folded laundry today.
8. I've kept up with ALL of my medication today. (Courtesy of the 'calender' on the counter.)
9. I haven't needed my inhaler today.
10. I have an amazing family of friends.
11. I can still sorta hear very very loud music.
12. Hulu has captions.
13. I can watch the Book of Mormon in ASL.
14. I can watch talks and other gospel related stuff in ASL.
15. I have a wonderful husband.
16. I have a best friend who has seen me through almost a decade of ups and downs (Tay-tay that means you).
17. I have a wonderful Grandpa who always believes in me and makes me smile!
18. I have a wonderful extended family.
19. I can't hear but I can still see!
20. I can still laugh.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Massive Update Part 1
So one of my amazing friends pointed out to me that she really didn't know what was going on in my life when we talked the other day. So in response I give you the Massive Update Part 1. There has been enough going on lately I think it'll be at least a 2 part update. So first things first I am in fact alive! I find this to be a very encouraging thing. Here's a quick bullet point update of some things going on in my life. I promise more details on the list at a later date:
1. New medicine! Yay! Well maybe, I think, yay.
2. New doctor, I found an allergist.
3. Another full blown "mild anaphylactic shock" (that's my sixth since April)
4. I had to use my epipen while shopping. (Definite booo.)
5. We went to Florida for the coolest family reunion ever.
6. I got a courageous award for doing 70% of the modified fun run walk portion before collapsing with a seizure.
7. Spent 20 hours in a car with my spouse and dog over 4 days.
8. Spent an afternoon at the beach with the whole family!!
9. I see my wonderful amazing niece on Tuesdays. ( Best day of the week in my opinion)
10. Alex has a good job finally!!!!
11. Alex is now working 60+ hours a week, every week.
12. Sadly we were released from teaching Primary.
13. I'm starting independent study classes this month!
14. My new doctor might have an answer to the big question: what the heck is wrong with me!!!!!!!!!
More to come in my next update! Love you all.
1. New medicine! Yay! Well maybe, I think, yay.
2. New doctor, I found an allergist.
3. Another full blown "mild anaphylactic shock" (that's my sixth since April)
4. I had to use my epipen while shopping. (Definite booo.)
5. We went to Florida for the coolest family reunion ever.
6. I got a courageous award for doing 70% of the modified fun run walk portion before collapsing with a seizure.
7. Spent 20 hours in a car with my spouse and dog over 4 days.
8. Spent an afternoon at the beach with the whole family!!
9. I see my wonderful amazing niece on Tuesdays. ( Best day of the week in my opinion)
10. Alex has a good job finally!!!!
11. Alex is now working 60+ hours a week, every week.
12. Sadly we were released from teaching Primary.
13. I'm starting independent study classes this month!
14. My new doctor might have an answer to the big question: what the heck is wrong with me!!!!!!!!!
More to come in my next update! Love you all.
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