Things you didn't know

On a completely unrelated but still awesome note my blog made it to more than 1000 page views! I find this both encouraging and awesome. It's always nice to know someone is reading. I hope that this blog dispenses advice, humor, updates, and an insight into my life. I've noticed more and more lately that many of the people in my life are struggling through some tough things. It seems that life has been pretty hard on all of us lately. It reminds me of a quote I saw recently, "Be kind to those you meet. We're all fighting the hardest battle we've ever faced, life."

I've also found that the people I think of as strong struggle. I have no doubt that when we finally see those strong outer veneers crack there's been a world of struggles that preceded that moment. To me it's kind of like my back problems. If you were unaware I actually have pretty severe back problems. There are thankfully and thanks to an amazing chiropractor some good spots in my back. However there are also some serious problem areas.

It's something I'm always surprised that people don't know about me. Currently my neck has lost half the amount of curvature it should have. It's slowly becoming completely straight which causes a host of problems. My spine is shifted to the side between my shoulder blades. I have three discs that are bulging, they're symptomatic in case you wondered. Also at the base of my spine it curves to the right pretty drastically. It's actually visible on an x-ray how much it twists to the right. What that amounts to is that my nerves are being pinched in two spots on my spine. This causes numbness is both my right hand, right arm and right leg. My lower back is usually the more painful and problematic of the two areas. It's become enough of a problem I'm having a nerve block next week.

I know to many people this seems drastic. The problem is first that I'm ridiculously allergic to steroids. I already have a known allergy to at least two steroids. Obviously knowing that my doctor isn't going to risk trying a third out. Also when I say allergic I mean anaphylactic I will die allergic not it bothers my stomach. So that leaves a nerve block as the next option of how to deal with the pain. The hope is that once we deal with the pain I will be able to do things to regain my mobility which is pretty much at nill.

The point of this analogy is that my back problems are a serious problem that effect ( insert affect if that's the correct one I can never remember which is right when) me daily. However it's something that I have up until recently managed to not talk about. Looking at me you might never guess how bad the problem really is. I mean I've avoided the topic so well people that live with me were floored that I was hurting bad enough to go to a pain management clinic. That's often the problem with the problems in our lives. We face them alone until we can't anymore. That's the moment people see the crack in that strong outer veneer.

I can't tell people to be open about all the problems in their lives. Actually I won't say that because I try not to give advice I know I wouldn't do. But if you're reading this blog then I want you to know something. You are not alone. No matter how overwhelming the problems in your life seem or how good you've become at hiding them there's always someone you can reach out to. I can't promise to hear you very well but I can promise I listen extremely well.

The good things in life.

I often talk about the things that are going medically right or wrong with me in my blog. Today I want to change the topic a little. I want to tell you about some of the great things in my life. I really think I don't spend enough time talking about them.

The first one that comes to me is my amazing family. I'm blessed to have four wonderful women I call sisters. These four women are absolutely amazing. I especially want to single out my sister Heather. She's growing into such an amazing woman! She's always upbeat, extremely intelligent and one of the friendliest people I've ever known. We are becoming so bad about quoting Psych or American Outlaws to each other. We always tell each other, "It's NOT contagious," and then promptly burst out laughing. 

I'm also blessed to have three sets of parents in my life. I have my actual biological parents, my parents in law, and my second parents the Repshers. Between all three sets there is always someone to give me advice and support me. There is always someone to hold my hand when things get tough or kick my butt when I need it. I can't imagine trying to navigate life without them.

There's a man I want to single out, my Tay-tay. He's my best friend and like a big brother to me. He's my call at three in the morning because I can't sleep. He's the first one to make me laugh and remind me that it always gets better. He gets me into trouble all the time. He's also the person who can make me laugh when I don't think it's possible.I also got him to dance at my wedding which was a miracle!

 Another man that is so very important to me is my Pop. My grandfather is one of the best people I've ever known in my life. He has the kind of quiet faith in the Lord that I can only hope to have when I'm his age. He gets me to smile no matter how sick or tired I am. He has often been a father figure in my life. He went to the school plays and award ceremonies. He picked me up from school when I was sick. He's been an incredible constant in my life. He's taught me through example the kind of person I want to be.

There's someone else I want to single out. It's my niece Abby. The boogie bear has an incredible way of making even the hardest day better. A bonk from her or her repetitive hi always make my day. She is without a doubt the cutest little kid I've ever known. It's amazing to me to see how much she changes every time I see her. It also is wonderful to see her doing even a little baby sign language.

For all that is often wrong with my life I still count myself as incredibly blessed.

An apple a day keeps the doctor way too close

So my wonderful sister Heather and I were eating lunch together yesterday. I had sliced up a raw apple and made a sandwich. I got two bites into my sandwich and a few bites into my apple. Then my mouth started to tingle and feel weird. As someone with severe allergies that is a major red flag. So I spit the apple out. When I started to cough I took my rescue inhaler and a full dose of liquid Benadryl. When the coughing got worse I took a breathing treatment. Nothing was working so I used my epipen. This was when it started to get scary. The epipen didn't work. At all. This was the point I told Heather to call 911. An epipen should have pretty close to immediate results. If you don't see any improvement in at least three minutes it's not good. Well the EMTs got to the house pretty quickly. By the time they got to the house I was choking and turning blue in the lips.

Normally EMTs get you into the ambulance and then start treating you. Today was a we're treating you where you're laying on your bed. For the first time ever someone got an IV in on the first try without blowing a vein! I really think EMTs should teach other people how to do IVs. Well they did a second shot of epinephrine, a shot of Benadryl and another breathing treatment. It started to help enough that my lips weren't blue anymore.

The EMTs got me moved into the ambulance. Moving me was quite the feat since they had to pull the oxygen mask off and the EMT fireman carried me to the stretcher in the hall. They thought they were going to be able to go non-emergency at first. By the time the second EMT got back to the ambulance after going back into the house to get his bag things went from bad to worse. The second shot of epinephrine should have opened everything up..it didn't. Things were bad enough that a pulse oximeter on my finger didn't work. They couldn't get any readings from it. The EMT increased the oxygen in my mask and did a 3rd breathing treatment.

Since the epi wasn't working he made a potentially dangerous call. He gave me magnesium sulfate which I have never had before. With my list of allergies it was clear he was backed into a corner. EMTs normally treat with a solu medrol pack. Well solu medrol is a form of prednisone which I am deathly allergic to. Because I'm allergic to steroids it severely ties the EMTs hands when they're trying to treat me. He made the right call to try the magnesium sulfate. While it was a risk it would eventually pay off. By the time we were turning off of my street things went from worse to life threatening. My airway closed completely. I started choking badly. For the first time I got sedated in the ambulance to facilitate intubation if it came to that. The EMT also needed something to relax me so my heart rate could come down some and I could calm down some. I was understandably freaked out and it was not helping my breathing.

I've had EMTs consider intubating before but this was the closest I've ever gotten to it. The EMT had everything out and ready to intubate when I finally turned a corner. The medicine finally started to take effect. By the time we reached the ER I was starting to stabilize. The EMT that treated me spoke to Alex. He said that he's been doing that job for 20 years. He said that he has never been that scared or shaken before in his entire career. Alex said that even by then he was still visibly shaken. He told Alex it was the first time after getting a patient to the hospital that he had to sit down and collect himself.

He was also going to do something for us that is pretty amazing. Our house is now flagged in the EMS database. So if I call and am unable to speak they will send EMTs immediately. Also if we find out a clear diagnosis of Mast Cell Activation Disease they actually have a protocol for it. They start an epinephrine drip instead of doing single shots of epi. It is something strangely enough that the EMTs in our area are completely familiar with. On a side note I was taken to the hospital that I usually avoid like the plague. However they improved!! After my last visit went so bad I spoke with their risk management director a few weeks ago. I actually saw the improvements this time around. They called for a physical interpreter and wrote things down till he arrived!! They even used tape not bandaids on me. It was awesome. It's nice to know that an ER can improve and quickly.

In a way all's well that ends well. I'm at home recuperating from the whole mess. I'm grateful to amazing EMTs that I know we're nothing less than inspired on how to help me. I'm also very grateful to an ER that improved and did the right thing by contacting an interpreter immediately. Thankfully this ambulance and ER trip ended ok. I'd love to say I think I'll avoid any more close calls but recent history has shown that just isn't going to happen. I can only hope that those around me will continue to be inspired on how to best help me!

Steriods are still a bad idea

So we all know that I'm very, very, very allergic to certain medications. If you were somehow unaware of this well...now you know. Several of the medications I'm allergic to are completely normal allergies like penicillin. Other medications I'm allergic to are less normal like oxycontin. Then there are a few that make the list that make zero sense as to how I'm allergic to them. Case in point: prednisone. This is a medication that is indigenous. There should be no possible way to be allergic to it. It's even the medication they give in the ER for someone having an allergic reaction.

Somehow though my body has managed to be allergic to it. Not just kind of allergic or mildly allergic to it. Oh no it's one of my if I take this medicine I will die allergies. If you think I'm kidding just ask my parent's about the last time I was given a predisone.  It's not even that I'm allergic to just one form of it. Nope I'm allergic to every possible form in the entire predisone family. I've had it orally in tablet and liquid form. I've even had it in my IV before. I reacted to every single kind and badly.

Because of this uniqueness my pharmacy red flags any and all steroids. My pharmacists takes me even trying something steroidal very seriously. On that note my allergist really wanted me to try Flonase. Well Flonase is a corticosteroid. This meant that the pharmacy plays phone tag with me and the doctor's office. First they call the doctor's office to make sure they know I'm allergic to steroids and ask if there is an alternative medicine that I could be prescribed. They then call me to make sure I know this medication is red flagged as either a known allergy or a very very very likely allergy.

In the case of Flonase the possible benefits if it worked would be huge. Therefore we weighed the risks and went ahead with it. My pharmacist spoke to me when I picked the medicine up. She explained to take a tiny tester dose with an epipen at the ready. She made sure I knew what to do if I went into anaphylactic shock. She really didn't want to give me the medicine but as an adult I'm allowed to make those kinds of potentially stupid decisions. Well to absolutely no one's surprise I reacted badly to the Flonase. An epipen, breathing treatments, benadryl, rescue inhaler, and 3 kinds of itch cream later I'm returning to normal. I even got to skip going to the ER. I know I'm such a rebel not going to the ER after taking an epipen. Unfortunately that means that steroids continue to be a huge NO-NO.

My normal is NOT normal

I had an two experiences yesterday that reminded me that what has become normal to me isn't normal. The first happened during my 5 hour doctor visit. Yes you read that right it really says 5 hour. I'm seeing a new allergist because my last allergist quit on me. He decided that he simply couldn't manage my case. While I met with the fellow working under the main doctor it hit. As I rattled off my medical history even just over the last 3 years it is just ridiculous to be honest.

Most of the time I don't stop to think about how sick I've been. When I have to tell someone else about it though I notice. It's those moments that remind me that what has become completely normal to me is NOT normal. I think it's worse when this moment happens with a medical professional. The average person doesn't have a full understanding of how close some of the close calls have been or how unusual it all is. A medical professional is all too aware of both. The doctor did a lot of the wide eyed are you really telling me the truth look? It's usually the seriousness in my face that clues them in that I am not joking, lying or exaggerating. If they were worried before they realize that I'm completely serious it only intensifies. He handled it fairly well being a still new doctor. I have this sinking suspicion that I will be the case he's still talking about ten years from now because it's just so darn weird.

The second experience was when we stopped by Alex's recruiter's office to finish up more paperwork. The recruiter was wearing cologne... Thankfully we caught it fast as I sprinted out of his office and to the car for the liquid Benadryl. Liquid Benadryl, AC in the car and my rescue inhaler later I was doing ok. When I came back into the office about fifteen minutes later I sat on the opposite end of it from the recruiter. But that's not what reminded me of why my life is very very far from normal. That has become par for the course. It was when I asked the recruiter a question. I asked, "If something happens and he needs to be contacted how do I do that?"

I'm sure that as a recruiter he's answered that question countless times. However it was the look on his face that made this different. He had that wide eyed look of understanding. It's amazing to watch someone's face as the wheels begin to turn and click. He realized that I wasn't asking just to know or in an abstract maybe I'll need this at some point way. I asked in a I know I'm going to need this I was just in the ICU two weeks ago way and it kind of freaked him out. That's when I'm reminded that my life isn't normal at all. I think it says something that you can unnerve someone who has been in the military for decades with a question. I'm not sure if it's a good something or a bad something but it says something. At the very least it says loud and clear my normal is NOT normal.

It is

It is...

More medicine than you ever thought you could take
More shots than you ever thought you could endure
Blown veins and blood tests
Bruises and IV holes
3 a.m.s of sleepless pain and 3 p.m.s of exhaustion
Checking every ingredient in every food that touches your lips
Knowing nothing is ever completely safe
When walking in the park is a dangerous activity
Hydrocortisone for the itching
Benadryl in every form
Barely healing from the last ER visit when you have to go back
Ambulance rides that terrify you
A spouse who hears those awful words, we're doing all we can
Nights in the ICU
Machines that breathe for you
Gratitude for what you do have
Laughter even in the worst of times
Faith that there is a plan even when you can't see it
Refusing to wallow in self pity
Getting up and getting dressed every day no matter how sick you feel
Making the bed and doing the dishes to feel human again
A wonderful dog that always makes you smile
An incredible family
A spouse who holds your hand through the long nights
Believing that even when you can't see God's hand you can trust his heart

Hospitals give the best bruises

I used to be a fairly athletic person and in so doing I would get bruises. I have also accumulated my fair share of bruises from pure klutzy lack of coordination. However none of the bruises I've gotten from sports or klutziness begin to compare with the bruises I get when hospitals are involved. Hospitals really do give the best bruises. The Sunday before Labor Day was a pretty typical Sunday. I made a new record! Twenty minutes in Church before I had to use a ridiculous amount of Benadryl and mountain dew. I also started to turn blue in the face, not cool right. Well after a lot of medicine and sleep I woke up Labor Day doing less than great. After a breathing treatment I was feeling a little better. I had made plans to spend time with my mom on Labor Day. My mom and I decided the safest activity we could think about was a walk in our local park.


A walk in the park should be safe right? Wrong. We made it once around the track before I started coughing and turning red. We headed to a Walgreens to try my caffeine and Benadryl avoidance method. Well don't be shocked but it didn't work. I had to use my epi-pen and the Walgreens staff called 911. We might have been ok without calling an ambulance but the friendly lady trying to help me had perfume on. An ambulance ride involving a lot of medicine later I landed in the ER... AGAIN. ARRGH! Although this was the best ER visit I've ever had though. They whipped out the relay computer immediately, it was awesome! A chest x-ray, more medicine, two blown veins from a nurse trying to take my blood, and a few hours later I was doing more or less better. However it came back and with a vengeance too. At that point I had to be given more epi and Benadryl. My amazing home teacher came to give me a blessing in the midst of all of this. Once we hit that third shot of epinephrine in less than eight hours it was decided my butt was being admitted to the hospital. Thankfully I had picked the ER where my regular doctor has admitting privileges. By the time they were ready to move me up to a regular room I was stable.


We got up to the floor and I was wheeled into the room. That was when to pardon the expression but all hell broke loose. The guy moving me didn't realize I had come into the ER for anaphylaxis. They had tried to move me into a room that had been cleaned minutes before with heavy floral cleaners. I was quickly wheeled into another room as I went back into anaphylactic shock. Thankfully the guy moving me was trained as an EMT. The nurses around me thought it was an asthma attack but he knew better. He basically ignored them and broke into their crash cart for epinephrine because none had been authorized on the floor I was sent to. When he gave me my fourth shot of epi in less than twelve hours my heart went berserk.


They cut my top off of me and quickly hooked me up to a crash cart. I was really bummed to lose another of my nice tank tops from Utah to the hospital. It was necessary though since my heart rate hit 174 bpm which is edging right into the danger zone for tachycardia becoming cardiac arrest. My heart rate went from about 85 bpm to 174 bpm in less than ten minutes. The EMT guy also insisted on putting a second IV in and starting an epi drip. He was trying to avoid giving me any more epi through my leg because of how hard it would hit my heart. The EMT knew that one more shot of epi was severely risking my chances of cardiac arrest. He took charge of the situation since the nurses on the floor seemed very unsure of what to do. I also managed to get every nurse and doctor on the floor crowded into my room all at once so new record there. I was also introduced to a new machine I haven't been familiar with before in all my hospital soujourns. They got a Darth Vader looking mask over my face and had me hooked to a machine called a bipap. Basically what it did was force air through my lungs when it got too difficult for me to breathe on my own. I'm eternally grateful that EMT was at the right place at the right time. I owe him my life.

After the epic fiasco of trying to put me into a regular room I was moved down to ICU where I stayed for the remainder of my time in the hospital. I'm also proud to say the hospital did pretty well with my restricted diet. I had one other attack while in the ICU but even more medicine later I was stable enough to go home. Other than some ugly looking bruises from blown veins and soreness in my leg from having soo much epi I'm doing pretty good all things considered. I'm recuperating at home now and counting my blessings.