Gender Inequality and Pants at Church

My sister Taylor brought up a fascinating discussion that I'd like to weigh in on. If you'd like to read her opinions and the articles that were the catalyst please read her blog. The discussion about gender inequality in our Church as well as the often contentious discussion of pants vs skirts is certainly compelling. I want to preface my opinions on this matter as first and foremost my opinions. I would assume that if you're reading my blog you're interested in my opinions on things so please remember that opinions are like mouths everyone has one. Second and equally important I was not raised in the Church therefore my opinions come from completely different life experiences.

I want to start with the idea of gender inequality in the Church. I have to say that while one Mormon feminist made several compelling points about why she feels there is serious gender inequality in the Church I couldn't disagree with her more. First the men in our Church treat women with such respect and caring it's amazing. Second I'm married to a Mormon and he treats me better than any other man has in my life. Part of why he does this is because of how he was raised. He has the great example of his Dad and how he treats Mom. He also has five amazing women who have made sure he knows how to treat a woman.

While perhaps there is some gender inequality somewhere in the Church I can't say that I've ever felt it from any of the brethren in the Church. If I've ever felt judged or placed on unequal footing it was from the sisters in the Church. This actually leads me to the second discussion point the topic of pants at Church. Many Mormons that I've met have pretty strong opinions on the topic. I know that many women in our Church feel that wearing dress pants to Church is disrespectful or less reverent than wearing a skirt.

I have to disagree on that point. Since I was old enough to decide if I was going to Church I've had a single condition: I can wear pants. While I respect that many women were raised to wear a skirt or dress on Sunday just because I wasn't is not a critique on my reverence or commitment to the Gospel. I genuinely feel that when we as women accept our differences and embrace the individual adaption portion of the Gospel we'll find that we feel so much more free. How can we be focused on helping others and coming closer to God if we're more concerned that the women two rows over is wearing a pants suit instead of a skirt? If we want to address gender inequality and other problems we encounter we have to be willing to look at our own behavior first. I can't pull a splinter out of your eye if there's still a log in mine.

Well that's my opinion and I'd love to hear other's opinions. I think this is an interesting and important discussion to have.

Life's Detours

Part of having seizures is that I tend to sleep and be awake at odd hours. This habit of being awake at strange hours has lead to me reflecting on my life. I think that everyone has an idea or image in their mind of how they expected life to unfold. If you had asked me five years ago my vision of life would be nothing like the one I'm living.

I think one of the hardest things in life is letting go what you think life should be like. Embracing the fact that your life has taken a turn you didn't see coming can be quite the challenge. Since I'm currently facing that challenge I want to share some things I'm learning as I go. These are all things I'm trying to do in my own life with varying amounts of success but the important thing is that I'm trying.

1. My mountain is your mole hill but that's ok because my mole hill is your mountain.
   Never underestimate another person's trials because often what seems easy to you can be an incredible challenge for another person.

2. Variety is the spice of life, learn to love it.
   Life doesn't go according to anyone's plans and sometimes that's the best part. If my life had gone according to my plan a few years ago I wouldn't be a Mormon, married, or the person I am today.

3. Being sick stinks but it doesn't have to be the end of the world.
  This is by far the hardest one for me personally. Having seizures stinks but life has to move on. Despite having seizures there is so much more to life than that.

4. Life moves on so move with it.
  Often we get stuck in the problems in our life so much that we completely miss the great things about life. We see the tiny flaw in the painting and so completely miss the masterpiece in front of our eyes!

5. You are who you are, learn to love you for you.
  I am me and that's all I can be. There are things about me I couldn't change if I wanted to so while it's a challenge I have to learn to love me as I am. 

So those are my reflections on life's detours, I'm sure the list will continue to expand. My parting thought would be : that no matter where in life you find yourself enjoy the moment because it won't come again.

Hubby Bragging

So I know that I don't do it often enough but I'm trying to tell my husband how wonderful he is more often. Since the things I'm trying to do usually end up in my blog posts this post shouldn't be a big surprise. Now I'm going to shamelessly brag about my husband and how wonderful he is.

My husband knows me better than almost anyone in the entire world. He's my best friend. He knows just how to make me smile when I'm feeling drained and exhausted. He always remembers (sometimes better than me!) what I am and am NOT supposed to be eating. In his own supportive way he discourages cheating on my diet since there are serious consequences with it. He patiently reads the labels and knows what to look for. He also is an amazing cook, seriously his food is delicious! He has a great gift of making food look good even when I'm sick and food is the last thing on my mind.

He always tells me that I'm beautiful even if I'm in my pjs and absolutely certain that I look how I feel (some days it's like death warmed over). He is always supportive of my weight and has been incredibly positive about it even when I'm not. He has an incredible knowledge of the scriptures and it's really helpful. We balance each other well. He knows things about the scriptures I don't, and I provide the fresh perspective to scriptures he's spent a lifetime with. He corrects my absolutely terrible grammar for school assignments!

He consistently tries to be a better man. He goes to the doctor with me and helps me manage my health problems. He's there to catch me( literally sometimes)! He's held my hand through a lot of tough moments and through the really great ones too. He's sexy. I do want to end with a slight reality check. While my husband is absolutely wonderful he is still a very imperfect man. He still leaves his clothes on the bathroom floor, hogs the covers, and kicks me in the middle of the night. He is not a perfect man but he is perfect for me!

Gratitude and life's challenges

Something I decided to do this month was list something every single day that I'm grateful for. Developing an attitude of gratitude is something that I'm trying very hard to do. I can't change many of the challenges in my life but I always have a say in how I deal with them. My attitude is one of the things I have full control of. I can choose to be angry, grouchy, and disappointed with where my life is at or I can choose to be grateful, happy, and hopeful.

Being hopeful doesn't mean that I'm ignoring all the problems in my life, far from it, it just means that I choose to have a better attitude. There are so many things that I have to be grateful for I don't want to just dwell on the negative. Dwelling on what isn't going right in my life or the problems I'm facing to the exclusion of the great things in my life seems stupid. Life is too short to be mad about the things I can't change. I'm starting to set new goals for myself and think of how I want to spend this time.

Since I'm not in school right now I want to use the time off that I have to my best advantage. I'm working on a list of books I want to read, things I want to study, things I want to do, and things I need to do. Just because life isn't taking the route I thought it would doesn't mean the one I'm on is any less amazing.

How it feels

I've been asked a lot lately what it feels like to have a seizure and I thought it was a question worth answering. This isn't intended to scare everyone in my life. Writing about things like this helps me get it out. I've also found it helps the people around me to better understand how to help me. This is how it feels for me, every seizure is different for the people that experience them. With that said here's the answer to the question.

 I never remember the last few minutes leading up to a seizure. I've been told I tend to be confused and sometimes confrontational. I stare blankly and blink a lot as well. If it's a seizure that occurs with warning signs it follows a certain pattern. I always have a severe pain in the back of my head, I feel incredibly dizzy,  and my vision begins to blur. Then the last sensation before a seizure is feeling like I'm falling. If you've ever seen October baby the main character has a seizure in the first few minutes of the movie. That's really how it feels for me too. The sensation of falling is almost always the last thing I remember.

What happens during a seizure is something I can only explain from someone else's point of view. I'm not conscious during my seizures. I also never remember them afterwards. I wake up confused and exhausted. I'm told that my face seizes and my upper body convulses. If I'm standing I fall. If I'm sitting I collapse into things. For example I face planted into my in law's kitchen table while rolling tokens, got a goofy looking red line on my forehead from it. Also according to my husband I struggle to breathe and frequently he has to force my mouth open to be completely sure I continue breathing. After 30 seconds to a full minute I stop convulsing. Often enough I wake up on my own but sometimes it takes someone else waking me up. The minutes after a seizure I'm awake but no one is home as it were. I usually fall asleep from exhaustion after a seizure.

I'm undergoing testing right now to determine the cause of the seizures and how best to treat them. Hopefully this post helps everyone to better understand a very important part of my life.

While I'm waiting

As everyone knows I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. A fundamental belief of my church is that God has called prophets in these last days. Recently I was able to enjoy a special event that occurs every six months in my church. We have what we call "General Conference." This is the first weekend in October and April. From the 6th to the 7th of October I was blessed to watch the Prophet and President of my Church address the Church as well as the entire world. We also hear from our Apostles and other General Authorities within our Church. It is always an incredible spiritual experience. I'm prepping a post later specifically about this event.

One of the greatest blessings to me is to be able to watch this event in ASL. There is something about seeing the Gospel presented in ASL that brings it to life in a way captions never can. One of the statements that really stood out to me was in a story that was recounted. I'm paraphrasing but it was the prayer of a sister to the Lord saying, " Heavenly Father help me to know how to best fill my time."

With the onset of epilepsy it really felt like my life was completely derailed. What I had planned to be doing was no longer an option on the table. Suddenly every plan I'd made, every goal I'd set, and every expectation I had were changed. The statement of "help me to know how best to fill my time" has taken up a lot of space in my mind since I heard it. It reflects the attitude I'm trying to adopt. One of ok apparently my plan was not what I needed to be doing or where you wanted me to be so please show me what I should be doing and where I am needed.

I always feel music reflects much of our perspectives and attitudes on life. A song I heard recently captures how I'm trying to feel right now. It's called "while I'm waiting" by John Waller. The song is about serving the Lord while waiting. Since I'm still waiting for life to "get back on the tracks" as it were I'm trying to find ways to serve the Lord until then. Although my attitude is far from prefect and it's still a struggle to be positive it's a struggle worth making.

If anyone has suggestions please let me know! I think between myself and all the amazing people in my life along with my loving Heavenly Father we can find ways to fill my time!

Two kinds of people

This post is a reflection on recent life. It's not meant to be preachy to anyone, it's just my take on things. I recently read an important quote that stuck. It was: There are two kinds of people in this world. Those that say "Thy will be done" and those that say "Well fine have it your way." I've always been the second kind of person. I've dragged my feet and always managed to get to the end of my rope well before I'm willing to listen.

I think a lot of our perspectives on life are wrapped up in those two answers. The first is a willingness to listen, to understand that there really is a plan even when we can't see it. It's belief in the idea that it is always darkest before dawn. The second is pure stubbornness, it is an I know best attitude. Frequently the second response leads people into situations they don't want to be in before they're willing to accept help.

I've always believed that God gives us choices in life, forks in the road. Often we don't see them until we're well down the path, having chosen without ever really noticing it. I also think he tries his best to give us gentle nudges before he uses a boot in the backside. I got another gentle nudge this week. After beginning to have full blown seizures and watching what that was doing to my life I got mad. I was mad at God and everything and everyone else. I was mad that things weren't working out the way I had planned. I was so mad I was willing to ignore the things I know are true. Then my amazing sisters sat down to watch a movie with me. We were narrowing down the choices between a familiar and hilarious movie and a movie I hadn't seen before. I picked the second movie, somewhat interested.

The entire movie was a gentle nudge, because it was about a guy who got to the end of his rope. He got to where his life was going up in flames before he realized that the God he was certain didn't care about him or his problems was very interested in both. I say another because two good friends also gave me nudges. One reminded me that it wasn't God's fault that I was having seizures. It wasn't his decision for that to happen. The other gave me a very insightful answer to a question I asked, an answer that I needed to hear. As always when I feel lost my wonderful husband gives me nudges too. I've found so far in life that when I get a gentle nudge and I actually listen to it a course correction is always involved. I've also found that when I'm on the right path even if it's not the one I wanted or picked there's a peace there. It's certainty of, ok I don't know where this road leads but I'm trusting You to be with me wherever it goes.

I'm not a perfect person and I'm certainly not the best example of my faith.  I'd like to think though that it may take an eternity to change me but one day I want to be the kind of person that can say "Ok, Thy will be done" instead of "have it your way."